The Insatiable Mind

i still love here, to cry my heart out!

2010-01-16T20:50:00.002+08:00

things are getting better now.
after moved to my new home for my career matters, get everything in place for the thing that i love is the best part!
just like doing the wedding preparations even it's for months or sometimes more than a year!
i just love it to the bits.
i design everything.
it's all from my mind, just the way i love it!
they come in phases. for now home is ready and it makes me feel great! just great!

one claimed that he is the big supporter of my work, but I told lil' girl in the office that she's the best!
Unthinkable answer by her "it's good to be on top of B1 once a while!"

i love people who knows to love me in their own ways!
i cant' be grateful enough of being surrounded by people that i love!
i'm blessed, everyday! i'm thankful.

my new home

2010-01-16T17:29:00.006+08:00

my new home is ready. i moved there for the new path.
http://shuhadahasim.wordpress.com/

now...

2009-11-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

i'm setting up a new thing.
will let you know soonest!

keep loving with your purest heart~

2009-11-20T21:39:00.006+08:00

been so long?
i've been away.
i've been extremely busy.
i've been and still juggling between my daily job & my weekend job (which is also i'm doing it everyday) - my photography job
i miss here, i miss blogging, i miss posting pictures, colors & life!

i've been taking my mind to travel to so many inspiring blogs!
some pages really gimme a totally different perspective in seeing things!
if only i can share at one time here.

on personal, so many SURPRISES happened!
and some happened and being a blessing in disguise.

A LOT & TOO MANY to share!

but lemme start with some that i really love to let you see...

the happenings captured thru my lenses while i was away from here....

Love & light, hugs & kisses!

Salam Ramadhan

2009-08-22T22:24:00.003+08:00

Ramadhan come again.
Honestly, I was afraid this Ramadhan, ayah is no more with us.
I know how much he love Ramdhan, and I still remember he always bring his milk & fruit to surau for break fasting.
He didn't each much, but he ate good food.
He likes to have his milk, blend with almond & mix with honey & sometimes to have his milk blend with banana & sometimes with raisin.
He just love them all.
How I miss to listen to his voice reciting Quran during Ramadhan.
How I miss him to keep on reminding us to appreciate every single hours during Ramadhan, to recites Quran, to recites zikir & to do good things to parents.
How I miss his voice to wake us up for sahur.
Every Ramadhan, he will always think if he still be around to celebrating the next Ramadhan.
I still remember when I talked to him last Ramadhan, how was his fasting, and he said at certain days he can only make it half day, but he will always prepare himself to make it full day, even he was very sick and weak.
The last Ramdhan was the last for him.
Everything, about Ramadhan is about ayah.
So I chose to have our break fasting just at home today with lil girl & our own family, cos I want it to be quiet.

Al-Fatihah to Ayahanda Hasim bin Hassan
I miss you so much, I love you

july 27 - was my day

2009-07-31T02:07:00.003+08:00

it was my birthday...

honestly, i dun expect big gift but the thot is the BIGGEST gift...

my day started with sabel text me that she's not coming after a blast birthday celebration over the weekend (yes, hers is July 26) & not feeling well.
just arunee who were around, and we wish each other for us that happen to share our date of birth...aahhh...

but, a lovely soul, took me out for lunch :)) no pictures for that since i'm not sharing with the whole world...
we had indian food @ my favorite indian restaurant in Pavillion, thank you so much!

off to Tanamera spa after work @ with SIL in Sooka Sentral, accompanying her to get the treatment for her BIG day that is just around t he corner, and of cos to pamper myself...on my day!
but please, i was shooting SIL's spa treatment for her wedding stories... :) (if you wanna have the same service, you can hire me or pay for my spa treatment!)

by 10, we headed to TTDI, for the dinner hosted by my lil sis (she refused to bake me a birthday carrot cake) but still m so blessed!

sabel got me a book that is first in my list to buy!

& i heart my new time piece soooooooooooooooooooooo much!

& i'm not asking...but just waiting for more to come :)

*i considered the Mark II hubby got earlier and let me use it is his b'day gift for me! when he bought the 40D last year also for me to use, i cant ask for more!

it's just me

2009-07-31T01:50:00.004+08:00

it's 2 a.m

day before (obviously just 2 hours before) the whole day wasn't treating me good.
for being ignored and taken for granted, i've been blamed in the office (great! then only received and apology?) and as a human, it hurt.

rite before lunch time, the unclear being cleared and i felt good, made me left for lunch with smile :)
when i planned to get something for myself, & to 'insult' a soul, i failed and witnessed by sabel that he made me failed! damn!

planned after work, to shoot a potential for a chances to get BIG return, cancelled! i felt and still feeling down, frustrated, sad & upset BIG time! really...
when i've planned my shots, drafted my story in my head, & very optimist about the outcome & the chances...all the effort just went down the drain...

& being me & trained to do everything on my own, and taught for not putting a burden on others when it come to my personal thing, i just HATE it when people give me instruction to 'help' them with their PERSONAL things! and yes, none of them are my boss...so i dun take orders, enuf said.
they just simply dun get it, and dun wanna understand for the tiniest a.k.a my takings!
open your heart people! please, be sensitive...or u just wanna wait me to screw u down?

my garments from bangkok? failed to wow me!
you just failed dude! failed! u lost the business from me & my army!

so..what a frustrated Thursday...

*i love you

the classic story

2009-06-25T01:25:00.003+08:00

almost lunch time, i was going down from upper level to my office, when a group of the seniors getting in the elevator with me...
while having some words exchange, when suddenly:

Miss M : amboi, lawa hari ni...
Miss I : dia hari2 lawa (please, you may compliment me, but not this way ok)
Miss I : eh, siapa shuhada hasim? kenal tak? photographer SIREH?
Miss M : dia la (while pointing to me)
ME : my jaw dropped, saya la (while giggling)
Miss I : yang SIREH tu ke?
ME : aaa...mmg la saya...kenapa?
Miss M : i tau la u buat photography, tapi tak tau pulak awak SIREH, ada budak kat umah akak tengah cari photographer, dia kata cari Shuhada keje kat EM
ME : takpe kak, suruh dia call saya, i'll explain...

there it was, the classic story in the elevator...and finally brought the client to my place and me closed the deal...for their wedding in October

I swear, I cant wait to shoot her wedding day cos she's so cute & petit & she's got attitude!

You'll Think of Me, Keith Urban

2009-06-02T00:14:00.001+08:00

the words are all dancing in my mind...

no sign

2009-05-31T10:01:00.002+08:00

i'm shooting again today, after yesterday and great friday wedding dinner as well.
there is still no sign after me speeding off...the dust? yeah..it's for you!
the feeling...some kind of magic, some kind of i never felt before...it is not mean, but something for me to feel...
*aahh...i miss writing in here, but i really have lots of things need to be done...*
it was in my mind, it maybe too beautiful for me to handle...
miss & love...they are still yours...

i'm resting...

How Extroverted Are You?

2009-04-18T20:15:00.001+08:00

Your Extroversion Profile:

Activity Level: Very High

Cheerfulness: Very High

Friendliness: Very High

Assertiveness: High

Excitement Seeking: High

Sociability: High

How Extroverted Are You?

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

2009-04-18T19:58:00.001+08:00

You Are 100% Grown Up, 0% Kid

Your emotional maturity is fully developed, and you have an excellent grasp on your emotions.

You're honest, direct, and compassionate. You don't let a bad mood get the best of you.

People know that they can turn to you in times of trouble. You are stable and smart.

In fact, you are so emotionally mature - you should consider being a therapist!

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

2009-04-18T19:36:00.001+08:00

Your Soul is Communicative

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there.

For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

2009-04-18T19:33:00.002+08:00

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to relate to and understand others.

Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.

You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.

A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.

You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Are You Right or Left Brained?

2009-04-18T19:28:00.001+08:00

You Are 30% Left Brained, 70% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.

Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.

If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.

Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.

Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.

If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.

Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

from my inbox...

2009-03-19T20:13:00.007+08:00

it's been in in my inbox since August 2008...

KAABAH ENGGAN BERGERAK

Selasa lalu (26 Ogos) saya menaiki motosikal menuju ke Karak Setia untuk menyampaikan kuliah Maghrib di masjid kampong berkenaan. Kereta rosak dan bermalam di pusat servis. Sebab itu saya terpaksa naik motor walaupun langit gelap.
Ketika melalui ' Karak Highway ' hujan mula turun setitis demi setitis.Saya teruskan juga perjalanan. Makin lama hujan makin lebat. Baju dan seluar saya basah. Akhirnya saya ambil keputusan untuk berpatah balik. Saya balik ke rumah dan mandi.
Walaupun tidak berjaya dalam misi dakwah pada malam itu, saya tidak mahu malam itu kosong tanpa pengisian. Saya lantas pergi ke surau berhampiran untuk mengikuti kuliah bulanan yang disampaikan oleh ulama' tersohor di negeri ini iaitu Tuan Guru Haji Mohd Baqi Osman.
Ketika saya sampai di situ, tok guru dah mula kuliah. Beliau menceritakan tentang peristiwa yang bakal berlaku di akhirat kelak. Tentang syurga, tentang neraka. Para jemaah masing-masing diam, tunduk dan insaf.
Salah satu cerita menarik yang disampaikan oleh tok guru iaitu berkaitan dengan titian As Sirat. Jambatan yang merentangi neraka menuju ke syurga itu bersifat fleksibel. Ia boleh membesar, mengecil, memendek dan memanjang mengikut kumpulan yang akan melintasinya. Jika orang beriman, pastilah ia akan melebar dan memendek. Manakala bagi orang kafir, ia akan mengecil dan memanjang.
Antara yang akan turut berarak menuju ke syurga ialah kaabah. Malaikat datang membawa perintah Allah kepada kaabah yang dihias indah pada hari itu supaya bergerak menuju ke syurga. Yang menghairankan, biarpun kaabah tahu itu perintah Allah, namun ia enggan bergerak. Lalu malaikat bertanya kenapa enggan bergerak ke syurga. Kaabah menjawab bahawa ia tidak akan bergerak ke syurga melainkan jika diiringi oleh semua manusia yang pernah tawaf di sekelilingnya.
Lalu malaikat mengumpulkan semua yang pernah tawaf untuk mengiringi kaabah ke syurga. Kaabah terus mendiamkan diri tak mahu bergerak. Malaikat bertanya lagi kenapa tak mahu bergerak.Kaabah menjawab, ada lagi beberapa orang yang tidak hadir.
Apabila diperiksa, rupa-rupanya orang-orang berkenaan telah dilempar ke dalam neraka kerana kesalahan yang pernah mereka lakukan di dunia.Malaikat maklumkan bahawa orang berkenaan adalah orang-orang yang berdosa dan perlu disiksa di dalam neraka. Kaabah berkata, ia tidak peduli orang itu berdosa atau tidak. Yang penting ia tidak akan bergerak ke syurga melainkan diiringi oleh semua orang yang pernah tawaf di sekelilingnya.
Malaikat mengadu kepada Allah tentang hal yang berlaku.... Allah yang Maha Pengampun dan Maha Mengasihani terus mengisytiharkan bahawa orang-orang itu telah diampunkan dosa mereka. Mereka lantas di bawa keluar daripada neraka dan mengiringi Kaabah menuju ke syurga....

*please show me the way to the right path...Amin...

when tears becoming your best friend…my life changed...

2009-02-16T20:19:00.005+08:00

It’s been 3 weeks…and I still sometimes feel it was like a dream.
I have the nerve only now to put it on…

I’ve got my ticket to go back alone on Sunday night, but when I was in a meeting with client on Saturday afternoon, lil girl changed plan to go back ASAP on Saturday night since ayah been admitted to Sultanah Aminah Hospital, Johor Bharu.

We reached JB only on Sunday afternoon, after a very early journey on Sunday morning from KL since both lil girl and BIL worked late on Saturday night.
He was resting when we arrived, lil brother said he don’t wanna eat…not even the fruits that were his favorites.
When we around him, he said that he feels exhausted and once a while seeking for a deep breath…he asked us to give him some massage. So we did…like we always did…
We tried to feed him, but he refused, he said he don’t have the appetite to eat…

I took care of him that Sunday night, being with him that night...watching him sleep, help him to wake up…it’s such a different feeling to see him lying in bed with the oxygen mask…I know he don’t like it, but I told him that he has to, otherwise he won’t be getting enough oxygen, and he listened. Once a while he wanted to sit, so I helped him to sit and when he fall asleep, I helped him to lay down…until he fall in a deep sleep…
I just sleep by his bed, just don’t want to be away from him…

His condition getting more stable on Monday night after some food feed by lil girl, and getting better on Tuesday morning.
Mom arrived in the afternoon, I saw she cries telling dad to be patient…I can’t describe what the feeling at that time was. I kissed him before left him for KL.
Later, we took mom for lunch and some rest. Whilst having lunch, mom told us that dad whisper to her that it’s not the time yet…and we laughed, hiding our own feeling…

And I was about 80 km to KL when I smells dad…and I told hubby about it, and it was quite sometimes before I tell him…
We just reached Desa Pandan to get some dinner when we received a call from hospital, the nurse said that he’s very critical, he’s unconscious and at that time, mom, lil’ girl and lil’ brother was on their way back to hospital for Maghrib prayer…
And when hubby & BIL catching up their rush dinner, my tears started to drop slowly…unstoppable…I’m sending messages all over to aunties & uncles…and the relatives that I can remember.
When auntie said that she wants to come with us back to Johor, I decided to stop for Maghrib prayers. And not long after I stopped, auntie call me back telling that she is going back with another auntie and at then she asked me “Hada dah dapat berita?” and I said “yes, the nurse kata ayah dah tak sedar masa they all nak bagi ubat” and she replied “ayah dah takde Da…” and I didn’t here what more auntie said after that as I was crying all alone…right in front of the mosque that my dad first taught me how to pray…in that very compound of the mosque that we used to play during our childhood…and turning to the left was the house that we used to live…
Hubby & BIL came back to the car soonest they finish the Maghrib and with my heart sank, I told them that he’s gone and off we headed back to Johor once again…and on our way back, lil brother keep on telling us to drive carefully and be patient and if we can make it we should drive back to JB or else we just go back straight to Mersing…

My warm tears keep on dropping…there’s no way I can stop it. The messages keep on coming in, the calls keep on coming in, and I’m there crying with all the memories with him, keep on coming back to me…

We reached Mersing by 1am, with some neighbors & family member around. I saw nenek first when I step in the house, one and only nenek we have around, and I hugged her tight, crying on her shoulder, then hugged my auntie, dad’s younger sister and salam with the rest of the people there.
I went up, I saw my mom at the corner of the hall, crying & reading Yassin for ayah…I hugged her and she said “dia dah takde…dia dah tinggalkan kita Da…” I wiped her tears and we hugged each other keep on crying…then slowly, I went to the motionless body of my beloved father, lifting the white scarf covering his face. I look at his face, he look like in a very deep sleep peacefully…I dare not to kiss him…I’m afraid of my tears to drop on him…not to hurt him…anymore…
And I gather my strength to get a shower, to get myself fresh new clothes and to start recite him the Yassin…

I just don’t feel to fall asleep, I just wanna be by his side before we send for his final journey later…but I fall asleep and in the morning I realized that I fall asleep while hugging his kopiah…

In the morning, while cleaning up around the house, before people start to come, I found his sandal sitting properly on a bench under the starfruit tree in front of the house…it looks like it’s been lying there for few day unattended with some rain drops on it and some sands…and that was the last sandal I bought for him on one of the Hari Raya..and immediately, I recalled how satisfied was his look at that moment…my tears started to drop again…

Later, people start to come…with concerns and condolences…we being hugged and when I look around, I can see faces and tears and the sadness of our loss, deep in my heart I know that he was so much loved…
In the house, all the neighbors are reciting tahlil arwah…all the relatives keep on coming.

After the mandi jenazah completed, we just watched the men put on his kapan…the final outfit for him…he looks clean and white, tears keep on dropping…
All my aunties surrounded him for the recites of Yassin, they lost their brother…and I lost my father, my pillar of strength...
Mom went first for her last kiss, and when lil brother call me next...I cried by his side, took me sometimes to gather my strength to kiss him goodbye…
And my auntie said to me, “Tuhan je yang tau yang Cik Ami sayang sangat kat dia…”

Slowly they wrapped his face, lil brother and a few others perform the solat jenazah before they lifted his body into the van jenazah that was waiting outside…only the men went to perform another round of the pray and proceed to the grave. Me, just keep on watching and I was waiting…for someone to arrive…

Dad told us during arwah nenek’s funeral 5 years back, “nanti bila ayah mati, orang perempuan jangan hantar ayah pergi kubur, tak baik…tunggu je kat rumah”…so on that day, we just waited…

My in law arrived when we were about to leave for the grave. When we reached, the imam was reciting the talkin and prays. We keep on praying…

Atuk Tan Sri (as I always refer Tan Sri Kadir) called after we were all back at home…thanking us to inform him…listening his voice and made me cry again when I heard he cry at the other end…”ayah awak orang baik…balik KL nanti datang umah atok aji…nanti kita jumpa…sabar ye Shuhada…”

So many things we heard on the day of the passes…and we also know that he also being visited by the unseen…

*my tears keep on coming, at anytime...and thank you to you for being very close...

i'll come back

2009-02-04T00:26:00.002+08:00

i need sometimes to get my energy back...
i'll come back...

everything is everywhere in my mind...

*i miss him...and you...

Bangkok Trip Last Day

2009-01-23T19:01:00.015+08:00

we were late!

we promised Cheeng to be downstairs for breakfast 15 before 8 and we are only there by 8! I rushed like mad to the coffee house for the french toast with honey and whipped cream...and a cuppa...off we go to the Grand Palace...reluctantly when the most that I wanna go was the floating market...but since time didn't permit, I just have to agree with a tour in Grand Palace...

Nur, at the entrance of the Grand Palace

Nur & Paul...

just can't help it...they stand still...i wish to make them smile a bit...but failed!!!

it's them again!

look at the painting...

intricately done...some part of the walls in the palace...

me, Paul & Nur

by Cheeng who always give his back to my camera!

so many guns! and i have to guard them!

After the Grand Palace, we decided to do some shopping...went back to Dusit and we checked out. But my friend said that she've got a head ache...but do we have a choice? we are in Bangkok for God sake, and we've checked out. to get some Thai silk, we were recommended to got to Nice Fashion...I manage to get some for myself and lil' girl...good price, good ambience...

Went to Sukhumvit for some food, but our time wasted, read: and i hate that!...for some reason...dear friends, if you happen to travel with me, please take care of your health....I hate to hate you for that! we end the 'shopping spree' in MBK..duh!!!

We left Dusit Thani around 5pm for th airport...me, Nur, Cheeng & Paul...cramped ourselves in the limo. We reached Suvarnabhumi airport for less than an hour, very early when our flight was only at 7.52 pm Bangkok time.

After saying bye to Paul, we checked in, and went around the airport to look for some food to bring back (no I didn't bring back any) due to some frustration!
we finally settled in a restaurant for some food, and chit chat and crying our heart out with Cheeng...
we didn't stop until we realized that we are just 15 minutes away from a departure time! and please remember that the gate was the last gate and we are now at the other end of the airport!!!!
damn! we just remember that and we've got to run!
Poor Cheeng he was pushing the troley with all of our hand luggage...and while we were walking fast, and Nur was with her high heels, the minutes I passed by one of the BIG speaker, I heard they are calling out our names for the final call for our flight!!!
Damn! Damn!...nothing to be done, we ran like mad to the other end!
Embarassing! that was! very....and we kept on running!
At the check in point, unpack things!!! and re-pack! oh Dear God, why is this happening to us!!! I wanna go home...I don't wanna spend another night in Bangkok...I miss home...

The minutes we step on board...it was very quiet...and obviously we were the culprit to be the last on board...
Went to my sit, and trying to gather my breath that I lost while running...*inhale...exhale...* harshly...
The run that I will never forget...that was a story in Suvarnabhumi airport a week before they took over the airport for the new Thai PM...
Good bye Bangkok...till we meet again...

small lil' thing

2009-01-21T00:34:00.004+08:00

when facing lots of unnecessary thing everyday...some small lil' unexpected thing will surely make your day...at least...
the last thing to expect was to receive some small lil' remembrance...

since working with EM, i discovered that Thai people has always their own ways to remember the counter part...
the card and their pictures....sweet...

thank you ladies...!

Bangkok Trip Day 3

2009-01-20T22:17:00.007+08:00

i knowww....!!!
only now to update the soooooo long Bangkok trip day 3... so kesian!
it shows that I remember but I'm so occupied! super!
the meeting ended with some wrapped up of the whole meeting objective. nothing much on that, just some business matters... we end the day with a lovely cruise dinner along Chao Phraya River...brilliantly amazing views... me as usual, the photographer of the nite...the nite where my lady boss won the best dress...
lovely...

the Grand Palace from the Chao Phraya..spectacular!

temple...I dun remember the name..

me and the girls

me, the girls & Paul

my starter for the nite

our team and my lady boss in saree...was her nite!

called early rest for the nite...long day waiting the next morning...

You Are Traditional and Dependable

2009-01-19T22:28:00.003+08:00

You are gutsy, daring, and completely adventurous. You don't look before you leap. Or ask what's in a cookie before you eat it.
You are a very active, on the go person. You get restless if you're forced to sit still for too long.
You're high strung and have a bit of an addictive personality. You have many vices.
You seek security in your life. Feeling safe is important to you.

The Sandwich Cookie Personality Test

before everything

2009-01-17T18:09:00.001+08:00

before we have something, we have nothing
before everything, it's just nothing...
when we have that something, we appreciate it...we don't want to loose it...
we do everything to not to loose it...
even though we know it will go to nowhere...

so, that's the reason of my behavior
and you understand that...

*keep on analysing...

for better or for worst

2009-01-15T21:48:00.003+08:00

I have 2 contradict situations with 2 souls that I love...read : yeah, i really love them...

One, should I be grateful? or should I feel sorry for myself? or should I prepare for the next downturn cycle...I don't know...

One, I'm praying hard..I need to. The voice, made me cry, make me feel like flying. The truth, I'm so worry...for not being able to face the situation, when it come...

*God, I'm a sin...please forgive me and please give me strength, that I really need...

our Sunday

2009-01-14T02:20:00.006+08:00

I took B to clinic the first thing on Sunday morning. The nite before, we went for a dinner with SIL & BIL and B started to shiver on the way back home..and getting worst very fast!
I freaked out...but still he refuse to be taken to clinic...!
The nite, he's sleeping with a very high temperature...

Alhamdulillah, the clinic that normally packed, was so silent with no patient when we arrived. B's favorite GP was on duty and soon after we headed home with some breakfast for B...he refused to go to the kedai mamak that he love to hang out at...

Close to home, we bumped into makcik that we normally buy her nasi lemak, I stopped her & got 5 packs of nasi lemak for us...me? happy!!

The rest of the day, I was nursing B until his body temperature went down & he sweat...lega!

I end the day with a lovely evening surrounded by a lovely people...

*Farah was the most gorgeous bride I ever seen...THANK YOU for the rest of the night and the gift too...so lovely...

our visit...

2009-01-14T01:34:00.004+08:00

the previous weekend, we went back to Johor again...dad has been discharged but the water retention is happening again...
earlier, lil' girl came to me while I was working @ home on some photos and started to cry, worrying about dad...

off we go back, 3 of us whilst B wasn't coming since he's working on Friday...
dad, being him, was waiting for us until wee hours...sleepless...
he's sick, he's weak yet still waiting for us to arrive...I'm worrying and still I am

reminiscing time when my parents were still in KL before and we used to go back to Johor to visit nenek...they cried everytime we are about to go back to KL...and now, dad is the same...

for lunch before we go back, mom cooked masak lemak cili api with ayam kampung...oh! how I missed that a lot!
Tho i'm not a fan of masak lemak, but mom's cook is always the best!
Yummy! that is...

Since lil' girl and Ayang never been to Kluang Railway Station coffee shop, we stopped for a while for coffee & roti bakar keping & half boiled egg...
very nice...

*I've got some comfort...thank you...cos I know, you know the feeling...

being surrounded by silence

2009-01-07T22:44:00.003+08:00

unless I really feel like wishing, not everyone I have a heart to wish the new year...
i'm still tired...and still working hard.
no changes on the working schedule...

i thot that i can have some real break this month, but i still have lots of things to do...
and shooting to start again in February...
plus, my new boss is ready to occupy me with more than 50% of my current work schedule...
i have to be ready.

office has been quite, when my neighbour will only come back on 12th January, and another soul last day was on 2nd last day of 2008, leaving just the 3 of us in the office.
mind you that all of us are in our own room...

*i'm happy but i'm not sure...

my days, my weekends...

2008-12-31T11:58:00.006+08:00

weddings has been occupying my time and energy for the past one month...every week...

and having dad in the hospital still...travelling back to Mersing after Tangkak, and again travelling again to Mersing after Melaka last weekend.

I hope to survive on the road...

tired...i am...

but still we had fun while all of these travelling & shooting...

and on the very last day of 2008...i am still very strong connected to the year..the memories, the happening, everything...

but here's wishing to all of you Happy New Year of 2009 and to all Muslim, hopefully it's not too late to wish Happy New Year...Salam Ma'al Hijrah

I am hoping strongly for a good turn and a good happening in 2009 and 1430 Hijrah...

melalak tengah2 malam in Portugese settlement...sish! perut x cover!

having fun with the kiddos

last but not least...u guys rock! our client Shaz & Farhan

lil' girl...ugly duckling

the news

2008-12-22T23:37:00.005+08:00

on thursday last week, i've been freaked out by a call from lil' girl saying that mom call told her that dad has been admitted...(again)

but this time round, she really cried!!! the news made me hold my breath!

when i was rushing to finish things in the office and planned to go back to Johor asap, i manage to calm down and called lil' brother...

poor lil' brother, when he just left the exam hall and me being freaked out asked him the situation...calmly he replied "yeah, dad has been admitted due to the water retention (normal for him), but this morning he was ok when we had breakfast together...and yeah...he's concious...been eating like normal and all are ok, don't panic..."

and me still with my heart beat fast, asked him to call me soonest he reach hospital...

Alhamdulillah...

the minutes i stepped out from office for my 'compulsary lunch' (i lost my appetite completely and i cancelled my plan to go for the photography exhibition in KLCC), dad call and i talked to him for half an hour, and he even asked me to calm down...

(Dear God, I love them with all of my heart...) he can even laugh and make fun of mom...oh dear...

so i decided to see them after the shooting on Saturday...

*i've got the comfort...but the expected one was expecting me...sigh!

today & tomorrow

2008-12-20T03:59:00.005+08:00

despite so many things to complete and so many preparation need to be done...i just need a break!
product shoot that I owe a friend since 2 days ago, to select pictures for uploading that I owe B for his kind assistance, and my own things that need to be edited, uploaded...

i'm leaving off town for a shoot later today (check the time I'm hitting the keyboard typing this) and will continue the journey to dad's hometown to visit the love of my life....

since Pjat's birthday dinner has been postponed to X'mas, I have some lil' time for myself & friend...i guess...
so i made a call to Sabel today, to have the outing that I owe her since few weeks ago...
and being strong & patient enough to went thru the bad traffic (mind you, it's friday and very close to X'mas) we finally meet up in Bangsar Village for our long overdue deep talk...(yeah, we really talk in between the lines, and guess only both of us understand)
dinner at Sakae Sushi and coffee at Starbucks after that, leaving us crying our heart out...
the meet up ends at 11ish when I drove her home...and it is such a release to meet her...after our super long talk with confessions and lots of hi-five...

reached home with B was not around, checked up & found that he's meeting up partner & BIL...well done!
after shower, i am terribly tired...but leaving me with no choice, the shooting need to be done, the file need to be sent by today and to add the beauty to the existing, partner's sms came in after 12ish requesting a soft copy of an album layout for print out...GREAT! i have to dig for the file (it has been archived!)

and after everything, tho it is done one at a time, leaving me wide awake crying my heart out on my very blog...that i'm very tired...i just need a rest...

and for the shooting & the visit...i haven't done any packing yet...lalalalalalalalalalala...and we are leaving KL by 9am...*me smiling now...yawn...*
gudnite... @ 4.26am now

*someone is making me confuse lately, i just don't get it anymore...

Bangkok Trip Day 2

2008-12-12T17:41:00.014+08:00

after sometimes, I hardly have time to update. Reason being, was extremely occupied when I was in Bangkok and extremely busy after come back from Bangkok and extemely sick not long after that....

So our first day meeting has nothing much except some formal thing that need to be discussed and me was busy shooting around since I am the official photographer! Sigh...!

After lunch, we got ourselves ready for the 'amazing race' created for us to get to know Bangkok more....walking around and just manage to see the temple that I really wanna go to shoot was no fun when we have to walk as fast as possible for the answers!!!

the temple that we have to bring back the picture for one of the answer in the amazing race...

the two kings...

Arunee...

Walking a cross the Chulalongkorn University again impressed me when the university student in Thailand wear uniform to classes...!

We headed to a brewery for the dinner and some show was superb! Amazingly performed by the super talented performer...

my drink of the nite...it's yogurt with cherry...taste like a bubble gum! yummy!

i was so impressed by her...her show was amazing!

my favorite...Suriyothai the show...

Eat Pray Love

2008-11-30T10:10:00.004+08:00

It was my turn to share some safety material with the whole department recently.

Nothing other than work life balance...the most that I can talk about.

Please forgive me for having so many things in my head, leaving me very minimum balance to have other thing to input and to flush it out immediately once it's done...

Every single point brought out, discussion take place...until they reach the point when they realised that the presentation by truely yours was in return becoming a session of advising me how to have a better work life balance...ada ke patut!

However, the sharing was very good...and I end up sharing the masterpiece that I'm currently living with...

a masterpiece...you've got to have it...

Bangkok Trip Day 1

2008-11-23T14:36:00.005+08:00

I was in the office still first half of the day.

When the pick up was downstairs by 11.45am, me & Arunee are still finishing work and running around the office...until we manage to pack and close everything by 12.15pm!!!

So off we go to KLIA and meeting Nur there...for our last lunch in KL before we come back on Thursday...

Upon arrival, Bangkok was at peak hour after office.

The journey from Suvarnabhumi airport to Dusit Thani Bangkok, the hotel we are going to stay for the next 3 days took us less than an hour.

Upon checking in, instead of getting ready for dinner...I enjoyed the view of from my room and make myself online...heehaaa!!!!

bad traffic , that is! and this is around 6pm Bangkok time!

one thing that I'm impressed, the hairdryer in bag...very local..!

But being in Bangkok, knowing that our dinner is waiting for us at the hotel's Thai restaurant, with the bosses and other counterpart are already downstairs, I wait no more...off for the dinner...

So the food, yummy...!

in case you wonder, it is a prawn

We end our first night in Bangkok by going around the Suan Lum Night Bazaar...before going back to the hotel by the tut-tut...

The Day I'm Celebrating the Victory

2008-11-06T22:30:00.004+08:00

I was in the office like usual, when a friend asked me to check what is the status of the poll counts.
Every 5 minutes I received and update, and the moment I heard he hit the 300++ electoral vote! oh yeah! this is a VICTORY!

Optimist or not, let it be, but I just feel good that Obama won and the news made my day!

Congratulations Mr President!

tuan doctor...

2008-11-04T23:07:00.000+08:00

It’s been almost 2 weeks we don’t catch up with each other. Well, to be exact, he didn’t call me…I just wonder why…
But don’t really bother.
Last night, we catch each other online and I asked him why he is very silent now. And he said, you can call me too, why wait for me only to call you…
My reply was I’m very busy these days, need to complete lots of things before traveling by mid November (and I suddenly realized that we have to work out on our new packages before the advertisement by November as well…GREAT!)

He than started the lecture that he normally give…how you have to respect your body , (yeah! he is a psychiatrist and run more than 5 km everyday around his housing area in Bkt Antarabangsa at the age of 50 years old!). The body given me signal, do not think that I am young and neglected the body…bla..bla..blaa…yada..yada..yada…(ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS!)
He even told me that he’s not going to say this again since he sounded like a broken record already and my reply was:

“Tuan doctor, I am now started to do as per your advised, one thing at a time, I started picking up my run back, slowly but surely (ayat politician) I sleep early at night (macam la awal sangat!) and I started to increase the amount of food in every meal (I am practically doing this now everyday since I’m shrinking!!!!). And things are getting better at my side and I’m feeling good…(and I’m planning to re-enrolled to a new yoga class at a new place)”
And I also remember the breathing technique you showed that day and accompany that with the zikir like how you read to me…”

Please la doc, don’t tell me that you sounded like a broken record when you know you are not!!!

And he told me that, we’ll start on the next thing later with the emotional control, metaph…….(META WHAT???) some egoism boosting….and the jargons went on and on and on…..
Erkkk!!!!

*I never thought that a psychiatrist can give up on me easily….am I that corrupted…?

I just don't know what to say...except YOGA is very sexy! (backdated entry)

2008-11-04T23:04:00.002+08:00

While driving back home yesterday, I catch only the last part of the news over the radio telling that Muslim to stop practicing yoga for fear to deviate the beliefs and I was very disappointed! And this morning, in The Sun, here it goes “Lecturer, Prof Zakaria Stapa of UKM’s Islamic Studies Centre advised Muslims who have taken up yoga to STOP practicing it for fear that it could deviate their belief...”

WTF???!!!!
My simple question is “did he ever taken up any yoga class and see how we practice?”
Far from what I know, that anything READ : ANYTHING in the class may deviate the belief we are living with be it you are as a Muslim, Buddhist, Christian or any other possible religion.
I agree that yoga is being practiced originally from the ancient time of Hinduism for soul searching kind of activities. BUT, people out there who hardly know how the yoga practice is being conducted, err..please stop this? Could you please? Mr lecturer? Please put in details what are the factors or any part of the yoga that make you believe that the practice may deviate our beliefs from our beautiful religion?

I’m nobody to argue about this, I’m not a religion person nor I’m a truly yoga practitioner, but I love yoga, I attend yoga classes and I admire the flexibility of my yoga instructor in turning their body into pretzel…nothing more than that. And for some reason yoga teaches me to stay focus, calm and relax my mind, body & soul…. (so you figure why I am so emotionally imbalance now…*wink*)

I really wanna shout this out!
Huh! Mr beautiful mind, please spare some of your time for me to talk about this with you….I think I just can talk about this with you…!

*I just can’t wait what will be my favorite Yoga Instructor respond towards this news…sigh!* (she already wrote her heart out)

Mengapa Wanita Adalah Istimewa...?

2008-10-29T21:52:00.002+08:00

Mama dan Papa sedang menonton TV, seraya mama berkata. '..i letih la..dah lewat ni, i nak tido lah.....' Mama pun pegi dapur nak tutup tingkap dapur, nanti masuk pulak lipas...leceh pulak nanti..dah tu, ade pulak rice cooker dalam sink..rendam lepas makan tadi..basuh jap...susun pinggan kat rak, lap dapur..terpercik kena sambal masa masak tadi...check air panas dalam flusk..takut habis pulak nanti malam anak nak susu...memang dah kering pun flusk ni, jerang la air...sementara tunggu air masak, nampak pulak bekas g ula dah kosong....salin la gula...check bubur untuk anak nak hantar ke taska esok..nasib baik ade lagi...ishh...ni lauk bila ni, semalam...dah beku dah...basuh la kejap....pegi yard, masukkan baju kotor dalam mesin basuh...penat dah ni, besok je la basuh...sidai kain lap je lah... tik...bunyi air dah masak...salin air dalam flusk...ok settle...

baru teringat tak sembahyang lagi...on da way nak gi bilik, papa tgk tv lagi...nampak pulak beg anak untuk hantar ke childcare...check...baju 2 pasang, towel...towel kecik utk selsama...calamine lotion untuk sapu ruam...pampers 4 keping....alamak..telupa pulak masukkan botol...basuh botol jap...ok settle....ternampak pulak beg gi keje...emm..besok nak pakai beg polo coklat lah, asik2 pakai beg hitam ni je...salin jap barang2 g beg coklat...cek sume 6 poket beg, takut la tetinggal apa2..leceh pulak..selalunya barang yang tertinggal tu la yang nak pakai nanti...hishhh sempit la beg ni...hangin je...nak kena beli ni be g baru...rasenya 25 hb ni Sogo sale nih...mana flyers tadi ek...ha ni die..ok, catit jap kat yellow sticker, nanti lupa..ok settle...

Tetiba dengar suara papa...'..u buat apa lagi tu..tadi kata nak tido..'.... '..yelah nak tido la ni..nak sembahyang jap...

'masuk toilet...buat apa2 yang patut...cuci muka dulu..2 jenis lak tu...adoi..gosok gigi....smayang...pakai toner...pakai treatment cream...nak lawa and maintain punya pasal lah ni...nanti orang kata baru anak satu dah macam anak 4 pulak...huhuhuhu...

bukak almari...emmm...pakai baju hijau ni lah besok....gosok kejap..check baju papa, baju papa pun kena gosok jugak ni...kat bilik belakang... la, napa komputer ni tak tutup ni..gelas kopi pun ade lagi, dah bersemut dah..ishhh ...g dapur, basuh, sambung gosok baju...gantung elok2...kemaskan baju gantung2...masukkan seluar papa yang dah kotor dalam tempat kotor...ok settle..

dgr suara papa lagi...'..i dah ngantuk ni..'..dalam pada nak ma suk ke bilik...owh...pokok aku dah nak mati ni ha..lupa dah 3 hari tak siram...ok, siram jap...check jap pintu ni...sah tak kunci lagi...grill pun tak tutup..ni kalau tak check ni, senang2 je mat indon masuk rompak umah aku...bukak lampu luar..

ni mainan ni sepah2...masukkan la dalam bakul mainan budak ni...banyak nya...sampai bawah meja makan pun ade...adoi....ok dah

...ok dah boleh baring....adoi sakitnya pinggang...cium si comel ni kejap...selimutkan die...la..napa basah ni...emm, tukar la pempers ni...tak bagus la brand ni, nanti nak tukar lain la...nanti g Sogo 25 hb ni beli la skali...ok sayang tido k...kalau boleh jangan la bangun tgh malam ni eh..tido sampai pagi k...gud nite..sweet dreams...

aaahh...sedapnya dapat baring...mana pulak lotion sapu kurus aku nih...ha, ni dia...sambil sapu lotion kurus,,,setkan alarm...setkan program kerja besok...pg kul 9.30 ade meeting..ahh...boring...panas pulak lotion nih..dah la...emm..sedapnya lelapkan ma ta...Ya Allah....terima kasih untuk rezekiMU hari ini,...mohon keberkatan dari mu tuhan....papa pun bangun tutup tv... '...i dah ngantuk sangat ni...nak tido lah...citer pun tak best malam ni, bola pun takde...'...selang seminit ...dengar suara papa berkeruh...dah agak dah....

So?....apa yang peliknya..??

Anda tahu kenapa wanita hidup lebih lama?...SEBAB ADE BANYAK KERJA NAK KENA BUAT....tu yang tak boleh nak mati cepat tu...

Hantarkan ke 5 WANITA yang anda rasa hebat...pasti anda disayangi kerana memahami mereka...well, women understand women better... foward jugak kat lelaki-lelaki so mereka akan hargai emak, isteri, dan kawan 2 dengan lebih baik lagi...Tak kira la wanita berkerjaya atau surirumah...setiap wanita adalah istimewa dengan cara mereka sendiri...Kalau lelaki mengakui kebenaran ini....hormat dah hargailah mereka...untuk keper ibadian dan kebolehan mereka untuk berdikari...

*forwarded to me...and I reserve my comment...

while i'm working...

2008-10-25T14:47:00.000+08:00

The music collection playing around accompanying me with the works that I'm struggling to make myself master the process. But I'm kinda like it after the whole process completed.
Tired sometimes, checking my fb and reading the favorites blogs that i've been following around...these people are really good! go figure!

For the past few weeks, I was very super down, felt so much deeply hurt and trying very very hard to get myself back in place and on the track.
As for now, with the supports from friends and some magic words wrote to me...yeah, I'm surviving. Though, it is still not entirely.

B is away for car service and latest I know he's at in-laws for lunch...(no i hadn't had my lunch yet)...sigh!

It is not easy for me to give up and to forget everything, the memories come and go...sometimes I am strong enough not to cry again, but at this very moment, I have to say that I miss the energy that used to lingered around me...
I feel empty, but I'm also tired...I miss a soul, again and still...

And yesterday, a very good friend of mind suggesting me to visit someone...but it was just a phone call I made and the information I received gave me an extreme surprise!
I was shaking...and alone with the information received.

But, unconciously I felt different, better perhaps...

Pray for me...I really need a strength now...

can i...?

2008-10-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

Wanna climb a mount
Wanna lay down by the beach
Wanna see total strangers who don’t know me and my life
Wanna run away until things get better….

completed...

2008-10-20T03:15:00.000+08:00

3.15am, i'm completing the materials for the submission tomorrow...
when partner promised but didn't deliver...
when everything need to be done, yet i'm the only one...
i'm hoping....no big changes on the materials...
hope everything is good within the specs...

wait for the details....

*yawn* i'm sleepy..and very tired...

very deep

2008-10-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

when we try to understand someone,
we sometimes unconciously go too deep inside.
perhaps to the restricted teritory.
when we thought that we are in a comfort zone,
we don't realize that we started to get hurt.
when the genuine intention being manipulated with the beauty of the move and words...
an ordinary people will somehow loose control over the situation.

and i'm hurt, very deep

so i need to have a reason...when you don't

2008-10-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

for what happened today, you demand better reasons...

not accepting the reasons given, are you being denial?

i'm speechless...

Maybe

2008-10-08T06:20:00.000+08:00

A cup of coffee, I was craving to drink…the appetite swept away with a single call…
You ruined my day, you spoilt everything
I’m sorry, but that’s the fact.

Maybe I should do that…and you’ll be happy again…
Maybe…I should believe in my instinct
Maybe…

I'm tired...very...

2008-10-08T06:15:00.000+08:00

In a midst of piles of emails after my long holiday, in a midst of still enjoying the mood of great raya with family & relatives, a long overdue phone call hit me with a super LONG unexpected lecture…
With the content that I’ve heard so many times and I have no different comment to made, nor do I have different justification to give, the splurge of words that make me really speechless and tired!
I don’t take it as bored, I don’t take it as useless or plays like a broken records…no!
Not a single point being brought I don’t agree, I appreciate the concern, the sensitivity and whatever reason you call it.
Yes, I understand that completely. The consequences, the things people might think or do without us realizing it…it is all completely true!
But what do you want me to do?
Are you telling me out of your concern about me or out of your concern to protect yourself?!
You know you tell me all this cos you think I can take it, YES, I still can take it…
But the way you say things as if I AM the only one made the actions…hello?! Never heard of it takes two to tango?
I am sorry, very sorry to bother you with all this matters, obviously it is unnecessary…but again, we don’t be in this situation to jeopardize everything nor to ruin and bring down everything. No we don’t! We are just human…what more can I say? Why you keep on saying the words to me, as if I am not careful? As if I don’t bloody bother to watch my steps?
Being a practical person, I can shut down everything tho it will hurt me to death! That’s one thing for sure…but I will do that if that can make you feel comfortable and to throw out all the unnecessary concerns and worries from inside your head.
Physically, we can be disturbed and we can tell off and it’ll be over, but if the things are lingered unseen and it bothers you from every angle, tell me if you need my action. I can do that….to be back to the square one…if that is what you need…
Stop telling me that you don’t know what to say…you don’t have to but ironically you just said! You said tones of things! You throw me your words, words that were in your head that ready to be exploded! I’m sorry if accidentally we crossed each other paths! I’m sorry! But tell me, how did it all started?

I’m tired…really I’m tired.
At this moment, I don’t want anything, I don’t want anybody, anyone!

Hello people! Whatever you wish!

to be or not to be........

2008-09-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

“I deeply know u can be a great mommy...coz u r smart, funny, interesting, loving and u can make your children proud if u, really. You don't have to change to be like other mom…like stick to the routine, or be ordinary. I believe you can do wonders just being YOU!!!!”

“Yes...there are a few things that u need to sacrifice but it doesn't mean you have to stop doing what you love…think of it as ...postpone it...and plan the right time to jump right back into it”

“I'm definitely sure...you'll be crying when you see how your hubby really show his love and care towards your children...so damn priceless”

“He can say anything not to hurt your feelings”

“Yes, yes, yes....both of you are ready! At least 1...your very own”

“It is not that I'm not on your side...But I just don't want you to miss this tiny special part of life that you have not discovered it”

*message from Sabel hit my inbox…after I told her how stressful I’m on to be or not to be…..with the pressure from surroundings…and maybe ME!

..............

2008-09-13T12:11:00.001+08:00

I’ll tell you when I hear you…I’ll wait patiently…like I always do
I’ll cry my heart out to you my beautiful mind…

WHY ME?

2008-09-13T12:03:00.000+08:00

Being thrown the question so many times, and I’ve answered so many times as well.
Everything said is agreed, everything mentioned is appreciated and valued…of course.
I completely aware the situation, no matter what is happening, no matter how greener the grass seems to be at the other side, the one that I’m standing on is still accommodating me unconditionally. I know, of course…
When the things come, I never have any expectations same goes to you I believe.
My reply was just a little tiny reason to answer your BIG question and it is not the reason from the very beginning. It is just coming along the way…while enjoying the riding in good sunny days.
It will not happen if you don’t allow it too and vice versa.
I have somewhere inside me shouting to me “hello! Do not forget who you are!” at all times and of course I value your concern and the concern should be raised from the very beginning before everything started.
When I’m more than ready to declare and disclose the real, I’m ready not to have any good reply nor action and nothing at all…even I’m more than ready for everything to be shut down…
But the good things keep on coming, keep on pouring…unstoppable…and indeed making me happy…was it my fault? I didn’t ask for it…no I did not if you want me to enlighten you.
Or am I too blind not try to understand your message? Is there any hidden message that you are trying to tell me? Am I the guilty party that allow me to go this far?
Which I strongly believe that you are not going to do that, you are not that type of person I believe you are.

In life, at this moment, I hardly have someone that I can talk to. People always come to me to talk to me…and they always have me…but I hardly have one…I don’t remember having anyone. Sadly, but I have to bear with it. It is happening to me…maybe because the different way of me doing my thinking.

From A Friend...

2008-09-13T10:26:00.000+08:00

What is Love…the reality is. …..
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught
Within your chest?
It isn’t Love, it’s Like
You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn’t Love, it’s Lust
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn’t Love, it’s Luck.
Do you want them because you know they’re there?
It isn’t Love, it’s Loneliness
Are you there because it’s what everyone wants?
It isn’t Love, it’s Loyalty.
Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don’t want to hurt them?
It isn’t Love, it’s Pity
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn’t Love, it’s being Unconfident.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn’t Love, it’s Infatuation
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn’t Love, it’s Friendship
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn’t Love, it’s a Lie
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn’t Love, it’s Charity
Does your heart ache and break when they’re sad?
Then it’s Love
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it’s Love
Do you accept their faults because they’re a part of who they are?
Then it’s Love
Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re strong?
Then it’s Love
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it’s Love
But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it’s Love
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it’s Love
Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why? Because it’s…Love

Everything is Everywhere!

2008-09-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

This morning a courtesy call was made to a friend as early as before 8.30am...and later when I got it replied he said "awalnya call?"
Indeed..."i was awake since 5am, and working until now since 6.30am at the same time just feel like talking to you" was my reply... read: i just need some energy from you lah!

At this time, I'm due to meet 2 clients to discuss on their wedding albums.
But waiting for partner that proomised me the material!!! I'm holding my breath now!

At this time my working/study room is suffocated with me, with my books that lying everywhere in the room, on the floor, on the cabinet, on the stool! They are all lying there untouched since few weeks ago!
Me being so ambitous, went buy to any possible books that I thot I have time to read...!

Working since right after sahur has been a must since we started fasting last week...
The DVDs, the CDs all need my attention...and the photos all need to be archived!
Uploading also has a lot more need to be done...

the suffocated working room!

books

more book

more books on the floor!

our hearts also on the floor...lying unattended the camera bags & stuffs!

*just need to let it out from me...!*

Who Am I?

2008-09-03T23:37:00.001+08:00

B was waiting anxiously for the result and was jumping when I told him the result...Christina was his FIRST choice for me...am i?

My Tears Dropped!

2008-09-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

My Dear

My deepest sorry for your lost today...
The tears almost drop the minutes I heard it from you
For almost 2 weeks, he was in a battle, you and the dear family going through the hard time...
I'm sure he left the world with the peace of mind & heart...
Enough time for the whole family to be with him and say goodbye...
That is the best for the situation...God love him and He knows...
Like what you said earlier, it is the things happening for the old days...
You should be proud of him...
From his heart & mind, made you with a beautiful heart & mind...that I appreciate most...
You should be proud of yourself...
When you were the one who jumped from wherever you are to take him for treatment and to ensure the medicine are all enough for the consumption...
When you were around to spend the cold nights with him...to watch him resting...
When you were around him before his last breath...
Such a darling angel you are...
You have all my pray & my thoughts...
And my tears finally dropped during my pray...be strong...

*a tribute to uncle...*

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody

Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady

Put your hand way up high

We will never say bye (no, no, no)

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins

This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers

Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them timesI didn't get it but you kept me in line

I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes

It's something more than saying "I miss you"

But when we talked too

All them grown folk things

Separation brings

You never let me know it

You never let it show because

You loved me and obviously

There's so much more left to say

If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this

And everyday life goes on like

"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"

"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"

As time goes by

And soon as you reach a better place

Still I'll give the whole world to see your face

And I'm right here next to youIt feels like you gone too soon

The hardest thing to do is say

bye bye bye bye bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done

And you never got to see me back at number one

I wish that you were here to celebrate together

I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night

With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight

I thought you were so strong

That you can make it through whatever

It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody

Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady

Put your hand way up high

We will never say bye (no, no, no) Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins

This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather

Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

*ByeBye by Mariah Carey

When I Count It As No Ordinary

2008-09-01T07:26:00.000+08:00

The honesty... the truthful... the reality...
All being told...willingly since I don't like to hold things back...
What more it is a good things
What more it is something that I appreciate and respect most
When everyday there's always a thought lingered for a kick start
Whenever I need to go to the battle there's always an energy for me to hold on....

The happenings open my eyes to be on the ground
The happenings taught me to be on a reality
The beautiful mind...taught me about life that I'm almost drown into

Like I was being told...it is happening cause I allow it to happen....
When it comes to emotions...when it comes to the loyalty...
I count it as no ordinary....

*and it spell L.O.V.E

Salam Ramadhan

2008-09-01T06:29:00.000+08:00

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan to All Muslim

May we remember Allah more each and everyday....

*and I need another strength

Are You Walking Away?

2008-09-01T01:13:00.000+08:00

I came across something unlikely these few days...

and these words hitting me..

Its amazing when strangers become friends,

but its sad when friends become strangers

TO YOU:

Hard times come to all of us...

Being there for someone is unstopable

When I feel you are in need

When I feel that you just need someone to talk to

I just try my best to be there

Please don't turn to the square one...

You don't have to do that...

2008-07-27T10:01:00.000+08:00

At this very moment, on the very day that I turned 32...

I know that someone love me so much
The sacrifices, the endless gifts, the love and supports...all are priceless

The otherside of me, feeling guilty for what I've done
Not telling any and lying is 2 different thing...but I'm not sure if people can accept the justification...

At this very moment too, I badly need some lullaby from the voice...that I long for
At least the continuation...I really miss that

I'm not sure what I treasured for and the ends of it...and how long I can deal with this...

Running

2008-06-30T02:38:00.000+08:00

During the school holidays, I’ve been busy shooting around at the weddings. Something that I love most, I simply love weddings. Everything about it, enough said.
The only way to get very close and attached to the weddings is thru the lens.

Like usual, after serial number of weddings the next thing is to process the images and to transform the whole beautiful days into a book of album regardless of the size and type. Then the process of selection of images, editing and album layout is to take place.

Discussions continuously meetings and visiting suppliers, coming out with our new thing everything we discover the sources making us endless in our photography things.
These things being holding me up from going online to blog, to read blogs, to catch up with friends in my Facebook! Yes, I missed them all, A LOT.
I too have to hold back from posting the pictures I captured out of admiring it in and out for my personal collection.

For these, I have pictures that I’ve been wanted to post since LIMA in December last year, until during the March elections campaign with the posters war and the images I captured during the elections, what a shame! Not even an update in the Flickr…

To add things to me, like it is never enough, Small Girl is getting married in July and she’s dragging me and B to involve in everything for her wedding! From her outfit design and B too is giving his suggestion what look good on her…the wedding card invitation design

(yes, we do the design)

the color of the wall that need to be paint, the curtains material for her bedroom, lighting & reflections for that too, the design of the pelamin, the things to be placed on the dulang hantaran mind you both for him and for her, the gift for the guests, the tudung, the head piece, the make up artist. The pots & the vases for the flowers. Whether or not to bake cakes, either for the cake cutting or for the guests…yes, everything!
But since wedding is my love, I’m fine with it and love it to bits!

some gifts for the guests

All in all, I miss all that I missed!

*Still rite now doing the love song selections for the day…and I love it! Yeay!

After Weddings

2008-06-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

It was such a normal weekend for me running from one wedding to another wedding, what more during the school holidays. My tight schedule started since last weekend…

I feel restless in the office today, like usual after having all the excitement during the shooting time. Sleepy, brain dead (almost) but still I can still drag my eyes to keep on reading the novel that I just bought last week at the book fest (I’ve got a few more at home that still untouched and another heavy reading material call AFFLUENZA).

Suddenly I remember that I’ve wanted to write something about someone.

One morning (very early) I received a message from someone asking me whether I’ll be free for that day. The fact is every Friday I’m available only after 330ish, so that I told her. Like usual, I can sense that she want me to accompany her to somewhere. True enough, she wants me to go with her to a client’s akad nikah since she is not so comfy to be there by herself. Too bad I can’t and asked her if she will be free after the event, cos I thought perhaps we can catch up. She said she will, but not mentioning for any meet up by then. So I catch that no meeting for us (even she is available cos to me it read: I only want you to accompany me during the ceremony, not meeting you after).
I conclude the messages by asking whether she’ve checked my website or not and she replied that she’ve checked thru phone since she’s extremely busy. The last word from her “BTW, ok lah tu :)”……………

Leaving me speechless and moody…for the rest of the day.

If you don’t understand, let just me and her understand this.

*Please forgive me for being so sensitive with you body language, with the way you place your words and the way you do your face…I can sense and I can see.

A Good Thing

2008-05-08T18:35:00.000+08:00

A friend told me that the good thing is very rare to get. We should appreciate the good thing even more than the normal thing.
I agree.

But sometimes the good thing is the one that hurt the feeling most. The good thing also makes the situation very difficult sometimes.
The good thing is something that we really appreciate and the good thing makes us indifference between love and lust.

Because it is the good thing and the thing that we really want, that makes it very difficult to get…so let it be…

*Oh! I'm missing a soul badly...

I Hope it's Me

2008-04-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

I felt different, speechless and hoping instead of him, wish it could be me!
He's leaving...to Tanah Haram for umrah.
Asking me to pray for him to have a safe journey go and come back.
And I'm asking for him to pray for me...for anything good.

*Dear God, for whatever reason You made us, for whatever reason You gave us, we are asking Your forgiveness. Please show me the correct path for us to run our life with Your blessing. Amin.

it's My Theraphy...

Mata burung hantu

2008-04-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

Nur just bought a new pair of contact lens with dark brown color.
It suits her well, yeah I like it.

Sabel is known as mata burung hantu by the mail room guy who is assigned to our floor.
When we were talking about Nur’s new lens color, Sabel then told us that she can’t simply buy the normal disposable lens instead she have to get it order and custom made for her eyes.
Reason wise? Her black eye balls are way too BIG for the normal size of contact lens!

Gosh! Check the pic below to see her eyes…

besar kan?

So, like it or not we are nominating her eyes for Engaging Eyes Award by Watson…

*to Sabel, one thing to remember about you babe! Way to go girl!

...feeling confuse

2008-04-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

………for the past few days I feel suffocated I know exactly what the reason is but the solution is not in my hand. So have to satisfy with whatever I have with me, which is my mind. But after last night meeting with satisfied client, I’m back on track! Phew!
Yes, I need something really strong to motivates me…some adrenalin rush is needed!

A story from a friend hit me a bit, when he told me that he have been diagnosed with AVM (I dunno what the hell is that) at his right brain last Ramadhan.
With 2 small kids and 1 more is coming, he’d been told that he is just like a time bomb and the doc don’t know when it going to bleed.
So he basically may end up like arwah LOLOQ.

Scary? It is…really make me think what if that situation happens to me.

I dare not to write further, allow me to gather some thought and some strength to write about this later..

Just a Feeling

2008-03-30T15:42:00.000+08:00

At times when you are happy, you are not sure if you are really happy.
The mix of feelings hit me recently.

I don't intend to write in details here.
Yes, I've been looking forward for something very special when the last time I got it was sometimes ago. It's been very long. Sigh!
But after getting it again on Friday, it wasn't the same feeling. It was as good as before even better. I'm not sure.
Was it me who want more than what being offered?
Was it you who try to comfort yourself, to hide the truth that give you the pain?

It is just a feeling lingering around me for the past few days, make me feel suffocated internally...fighting with my own spirits, my own thoughts..like usual.
I know there's only one at this time, and when I always get what I want, I feel breathless when it didn't turn out to be the way I want it to be. Like usual, again.

When I look at the happy faces, but the truth being told make me feel unsure on what to feel.
I pity the juniors, when they know nothing what is happening in between them.
Looking at the smiles but knowing it is all fake, and the truth is the pain.

NO I don't intend to do anything
NO I don't intend to be the supports when I myself is struggling with the truth that is also equals to pain
NO I don't want to be part of the pain but part of the truth? It's just there. Unintended

When I read what I'm reading now, it hit me right under my nose.
At once when we tried to deny but the things keep on coming to you, only the strength will save you.

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMM! I feel like to throw everything inside me now, to the farest my voice can go. And please let the wind bring it to wherever they want it and let the truth prevail.
Should I blame myself for having this kind of emotions inside me?
No, I don't think so.
Should people being blame for not being like the way I want it to be?
A big NO of course!
I'm not that crazy at least.

Oh God, perhaps I don't thank you much for whatever you give me all this while
Oh God, perhaps I left the things that I've been carrying in me all this while
Oh God, perhaps the presure make me be out of the line a bit? Or so far away?
Oh Dear God, please show me the right path...
Oh God, please help me...

Thank you...

2008-03-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

So it was unplanned.
Just all of sudden we got it all right, the timing most importantly.
I have to admit that at one time I almost give up for nothing!
But some words and lullaby come and go make me went through the uneasiness...

And there it goes another shot, unexpectedly!
Just like I said, it is like a glass of water...

So relief, so lovely...that's all I need.

Thank you.

This if For You!

2008-03-23T23:41:00.001+08:00

I started to understand you after sometimes I crack my head try to make myself understand.
I know there's only moi now, and I'm so glad!

When the memoirs hit the nerve, it'll rebounce. I always get it whenever I really need it.

Yeah, I love it when having everything from you just like having a glass of water...
So refreshing, and we'll have it when we really need it...

Runaway Maid

2008-03-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

My partner texted me last Wednesday (despite so many text everyday on business) with not so good news..again! "Shit happened to me, my maid sudah lari!"

Yeah, I got shocked! I know the maid, the kids like her, partner & wifey are ok with her. Never heard any big issue...except some updates from the wife on the few minor things. Which is normal.

Leaving the family and the kids just like that...gave them a big hit!
Since me and partner doing our photography things most of the time together, I now have to be a driver to fetch him whenever we have appointment or assignment. (Oh! this is the first part of the not so good news from him, partner got into a domino accident last Friday night when we were suppose to meet client that night)

So the runaway maid made the situation worst, when both partner & wife are working and with our photography things he too has now to help with the house work. A very unpleasant update huh?

For me and B since it's just the two of us, and Small Girl around, we don't have maid. We do our housework on our own, the dishes, the laundry and all other routine things at home. All this while, partner are always free from housework when he has to wait for me to complete a few things that I have to do at home before we off to anywhere.

But, me & B was laughing out loud everytime we fetch partner now and he will ASAP update us on the housework things that he has to do now. Things that make his move delayed and make us late for our meetings!

Partner will start "kene buat keje rumah la skrg, basuh baju, sidai kain, basuh pinggan...eeeiii tension betul la maid takde ni! Dulu boleh mandi siap pakai baju terus keluar je, skrg ni semua kene buat dulu. nak tunggu maid baru lambat lagi...anak2 i tak nak tido dlm bilik dia org, nak tido dlm bilik i, so tempat tido kene siapkan, dulu maid yg siapkan sblm kita tido, skrg i kene buat, esok pagi bangun tido kene kemas balik...sabar je la aku!"

Me and hubby keep on laughing and telling him that he can do it!

Come on Jak, you can do it! Yeah!

There He Goes

2008-03-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

Girl came to me few weeks ago asking about a blind date.
An x-colleague introduce the brother, an X guy to Girl and within a few hours X called her.
They’ve talked for hours every night. She liked him from the voice, from the communication skill and she like him for his brain…

She told me that actually, her boyfriend for 6 years is getting married very soon. They were very close to get engage when suddenly the mother of the bf want him marry and Indonesian girl. They still seeing each other still go out for movie together and still holding hands and all in all they are still there for each other for any situation, good or bad.
He’s been her life for 6 years, he always there whenever she need him…he really take care of her…and all of the sudden he really have to go with their love in each other.

Of the X guy, after a week waiting they went out for the first time last weekend. But not to put him down, he’s not the type. He’s at his age, at his managerial level in one the plantation company, didn’t manage to win the heart of sweet lil' Girl.

She went back to the x-bf for talks, to tell him about all the unpleasant thing she have to face for letting him go to marry the Ric**.

Girl told me earlier before meeting the X guy that she’s ok to let the x-bf go, for 5 months she now can accept that she has to let him go for someone else.

But this morning, she message me and told me that her eyes are swollen, she cried last nite when her x-bf called and cried for their faith, for their faith of not being able to stay together. They are very sweet sad couple…
So this morning, off he go to Indonesia to get married, leaving Girl in here cry her heart out, unable to stop crying,…leave her in a very deep sorrow.

I pity both of them, when the parents have their own preference and leave the lovers in the dark…

It is By Choice

2008-03-23T21:51:00.000+08:00

A friend called me to ask on where to get something for her wedding jobs coming.
(She’s also in this wedding industry…)
So after getting the juices of the reason she called, we then update each other with our stuffs, my photography thingy and hers are on wedding planning.
And we are eagerly telling each other on how’s our health condition running down and most importantly how’s our skin became since we started this thing into a full time job!
Driving around town during the sunny day, sleepless night to fulfill the clients’ requirements, and the energy level that slowly going down…

Funny, we used to work in cozy office, good working environment, we don’t go out during either sunny or rainy days but we have to do that now since it’s our choice!

And also tell each other what make us suffer in running our own business and bottom line telling each other in any situation, in any condition, it is the best thing to have since it’s is all done by choice.
So, I told her “best ke tak best ke, kene best jugak!”

Good luck to both of us!

Becoming Minority

2008-03-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

At some part of the world and when you becoming a minority, you can have a better environment, a better fighting spirit and better human…I suppose.
When I read I Am Muslim by Dina Zaman, again, for countless time I came across the fact that Muslim in some place in the world has better community as compare to our community here in Malaysia.

It’s not that I’m pias to talk about how we should run our lovely Muslim country, it is just that I’m dreaming to have an environment that I really want to be and hoping that it can lead for a better life as a Muslim…

Becoming a majority somewhere in the world…? Perhaps…what say you…?

the best talk of the day! part 2

2008-03-04T18:54:00.000+08:00

Later after he called in the afternoon, another call from him around 7ish...to ensure that I do what I'm suppose to do.
So this time round full of the motivational talks and why I should join them...
It was fun to listen to him after so long we didn't talk or crack our head together.

So one part catch me on how did he manage to secure my personal phone number (since I was using co's phone before).

C : so do you know how did I manage to get your number from KM?

me : yeah? what did you tell her? don't tell me that you told her about this job...!

C : no..no...so I called her, and I told her that "I have this TS that I want to watch the performance, but I don't know how to get the tickets...and S** used to get the PGL's tickets and she know how to where to get it from..."

me : owh...hahahahaha!!!!!! that's funny! you told her that?! hahahahahaha!!!

C : yeah! and I asked her please KM I need to get to contact her...and she said. "owh...ok..ok..no problem" then she gave me your number la...

me : seriously?! I can't believe that you used that reason! hahahahah!

C: hahahahah! yeah, it was the best talk of the day la I tell you!

*Clau** is attached with AP who used to work with me closely on relocations & shipping thingy...and we share one thing in common, we love to watch local theatre...

the best talk of the day! part 1

2008-02-28T21:30:00.000+08:00

the phone rings, with unfamiliar handphone number.
i picked up, sounds very international but he sounds very comfortable, no strange tone at all...

C: hello ******

me : yes...?

C : how r u?

me : i'm good...

C : do you still remember me...?

me : Cla***! is that u?!

C : hahahaha!!! you still remember me!

me : you see, i'm a good friend...still remember you even after so long!

C : yeah ok, good...so where are you working now?

me : i'm with EM now

C : no joke?

me : yeah no joke...

C : you know that i'm calling you to offer you a job...

me : don't fool me!

C : no i'm not...we want you to join us!

*why suddenly I feel like the hot stuff pulak...ngee...ngee...

nothing compares

2008-02-15T00:38:00.000+08:00

Now I find a good time to catch the BEST in the morning…it really make my day. I’m glad! Very! I asked once if I can have it for breakfast, and as it can be expected…just WOW!
So now when the chances is there, when the response is inviting so I know that I just have to get it…and to know when it is mutual, the feeling is so different!
Lovely and calming, and to make me be in the full gear to start the day…
So when the question popped out on the latest update, I can’t be lying about it, nothing compare to the one sought after.

And while catching up, a message from Mr Deejay came in asking me if there is any song I want him to air..oh!..so sweet, but too bad I’m already out of the car.

can u c? it's mr deejay rite? *smile*

Thank you both… for making my day.

*Hun, nothing compares and it’s not a lip service… and suka hati you nak caya ke tak!

nasik goreng kicap VS tiramisu cake

2008-02-14T23:21:00.001+08:00

so me and small girl was in a kitchen been busy preparing our own thing.
It’s dinner and I was very tired to cook, decided just to mix and match the leftover rice with some available ingredients….

While small girl being busy to get her tiramisu cake done for the function in the office the next day.
Small Girl keep on telling me that do not to start cook until she finish with her tiramisu…duuuhhh! If I were to wait for her then nak makan pukul bape? “Kecoh la you girl!”

So I end up cooking while she’s working with her tiramisu….and she keep on reminding me to open the window, takut her cake bau bawang! Hahahaha!

At the end, my nasi goreng kicap sold out..but..small girl in return has to bake some other time another round of tiramisu cake for us at home! Yey!

nasik goreng kicap
VS
tiramisu cake

while you were on your holiday

2008-02-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

CNY holiday was not really a holiday for us in SIREH.
Shooting back to back started from Thursday, Friday and Saturday…a bit free and easy on Sunday morning and we made an effort to attend a niece wedding in Klang – since our parents is not here (sesat pulak tu! I don’t like it…! – duuuuuhhhh! peta sangat susah nak baca!). The plan was to makan and balik since I have to meet 2 clients started from 4ish…but since it’s been a loooooooonngggg time after the last gathering with all the family (from my mom’s side) when suddenly you realized all the nieces grew up and missed us a lot..so no excuse to leave early….

Since it’s a wedding, and a photographer is attending a wedding regardless whose wedding it is…tetap nak shoot jugak…can’t help it..
So I manage to shoot some pix, and cousin said, “tunjuk kat ibu…”
And Small Girl said, memang pengantin pompuan cantik…

By 0230, we really have to go…but we do enjoy the wedding, when we get a lot of tight hugs & kisses….huhuhuhu!

Rush for the meeting until 8ish..reach home and get ready for another round of working week…sigh!

i took this photo from Wira's flickr. i just love the color...(Wira, i pinjam eh gambar you...?) *wink*

invitation to be treated

2008-02-07T01:52:00.000+08:00

i found it weird...

i keep on asking myself why me? and asking the fella why me?

i was actually rejecting it from the inside, but the outer part of me have no guts to say no...

this time round is real, from the real world that we are into...some community that we know closely...

until today i'm still asking why me...? and are you sure?

so when i tried to be polite and respect the invitation...the request keep on pouring...

but i have no answer...

The new month come

2008-02-07T01:49:00.000+08:00

Came in a surprise note from an invisible beau, with an expression: smile and feel like jumping…and hmm..? wonders…
So after asking, the reason why, the answer is no reason except it is such nice feeling to have. Fair enough.

Things continue, words and the details described was so unbelievable, the understanding and the thoughts and expectation is very much alike…when all this while the thoughts lying in the subconscious mind.

Amazingly arranged and beautiful when the ambience described with the details on how it was wanted exactly. Speechless because it is hard to believe…where did all this being hide before?

It is phenomenal when the situation changed and being synchronize with the story telling. Love the details and nothing to compare….

So say it out loud…more and more! Coz I love those words…

falling again

2008-02-01T03:26:00.000+08:00

it is so unpredictable....and it made me smile all day long and thinking about it...and smiling alone..again...can't help it...

yeah, i'm very happy...the silent words being replied with a rythamic beautiful 'song' sounds good, sounds alive, yeah you are...and it's really you.

i always wonder, what is it behind the eyes? what is it behind the smile? and the same repeated words telling me something that the memories didn't fade away, still remain intact. with more details this time...and i too have the place for the memories...and treasuring for more to be remembered to be kept inside the place somewhere beneath.

i know what i need to know by now, with the unique way of telling me the truth, i can accept that and glad, very. it is amazing to know the truth behind the mysterious act, being ignorance but it is just a nature.

when the 'song' fill the air again and again and again.....and so many times! i feel like breathing again. thank you for reminding me the words again, and thank you for putting it in a very sweet manner...

and you, make me feel to be on top of my world again, when i just don't bother what's happening around me and all i wanna do is to hear the lullaby again...

the unusual

2008-02-01T01:50:00.000+08:00

I started my day by turning the radio on while driving, and it was loud.
B was asking if I’m feeling stress today…I’m not.
But there were some different feeling which I’m not sure what it is exactly…(the therapist is back from Scotland and the song was in the air last night)
Reach office around the usual time and trying to catch the voice that I’ve wanted to hear since few weeks ago from one of the radio channels, but still no luck…sigh!

Yesterday, the dentist gave me extra rubber to be placed across my teeth to so call correct the alignment….noooo….!!!!! The look is so ugly!!!!!
So I have to catch early breakfast to put the rubber on ASAP….
But since I have a lot of things in my mind that I need it to get out of my system…I just sit here and keep on ‘throwing up’…

Complete the breakfast combo with coffee, something unusual, I don’t normally take coffee ‘cause I’m not a coffee junkie myself and one thing for sure is whenever I take coffee, a headache will hit me hard…

But since I join EM, I need something strong to drive me ahead. With very mild thing to do everyday (so far) coffee seems like giving me some different strong feeling…weird. But I just need that…..yes, weird…

call me emotional...............

2008-01-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

Different people treat their life differently.
Same goes here.

Consistently the thought travels throughout the mind and the soul too.
Chosen to live with the thoughts and not wanting it to be forgotten because I appreciate the ‘precious’
Certainly it can’t be replaced because it is very special and the whole thing brought something out of this world completely.

When the touch is wanted, when the thought is wanted, the words hit the nerve through the thin air and filling it sweetly and breathe with it while you can.

And wishing to have the feeling forever…..and please remind me with the words again…

But when the words reach you with no rhythm, with no sweet lullaby, suddenly the feeling hit…unwanted?

I always believe the feeling is a gift, regardless….
Always treasure the happiness and always wanting it to be endless.
But it sometimes makes you confuse, whether the thought was the same? Whether it is still the same? Keep on telling you that there’s always a reason behind any unpleasant feeling…..
The truth? It hurts every single moment, feeling unwanted…ignored.
When every single rhythm count, every single sense is killing when the action didn’t turn out to be the way you want it to be…

Please remind me with the words again…for me to breathe…..

Call me emotional………if you want to cause that’s how I live my life…

love........?

2008-01-31T20:15:00.000+08:00

i captured some words playing on tv recently asking if we are afraid of living a day without love, if we are nothing without love, and bla…bla..bla..without love…

so, I’m asking myself the same question, and imagining if I falls under the category with or without love. And what type of love?

Honestly, I can’t live without people around me.
I can’t live without talking to people in a day.
And it’s just a nature that I’m so thrill whenever I’m going to meet new people…regardless.

I have a detail talk with a friend recently about being under our star.
So happened that our birth date is one day after another!
So we confessed to each other on our reactions, feelings and actions when it comes to any situation even on our feelings when we face certain people that make us happy or make us feel very low, and we shared almost the same habit, actions and perceptions….towards people and life.

And when it comes to love, I’m not sure…part of me wanting the feel of being so loved by the loved one and part of me wanting the thrill of me to search and chase for the love…weird. But it’s true…

So which category did I fall into…?

.......if you wonder.........

2008-01-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

some offline messages i received from someone wondering about me...

so i told that someone :

if you wonder...
@ this time while i'm writing this, it's raining heavily here. it's cooling and i've been wanting the feeling so bad after sometimes when the weather being so hot...
and deep inside i wish the one who is going to read this is rite by my side comforting me...
and the truth, i'm on my way for a shower after a long hard day, but been wanting to be here first writing what's in my mind...

and one thing for sure...raining is really comforting...

i think it's beautiful......

2008-01-28T01:02:00.000+08:00

Bertanya sang bayu pada ku
Mengapa kau masih disitu
Tiadakah jemu kau menunggu
Ohhhhh
Dan buat seorang perindu
Penantian hanya lah waktu
Dikamus hati ku
Tiada istilah jemu
Ohhhhoh
Hentikan lah saja
Jenaka bermadah
Biasa terlalu sering ku dengar
Ceritera cinta tiada berubah
Hanya mimpi yang indah
Akhirnya nanti kecewa
Buka lah sedikit hati mu
Kenali siapa daku
Ohhh
Beri ku pendam rasa hati
Malu mengakui
Ohhhhhh oh
Hentikan lah saja jenaka bermadah
Biasa terlalu sering ku dengar
Ceritera cinta
Tiada berubah hanya mimpi yang indah
Akhirnya nanti kecewa
Tanpa mahu mengakui kau pun dihati
Diluar sedar kau ku rindui
Penantian hanya ruang waktu
Tiba masa kan terbukti cinta ku
Ohhh
tak mudah percaya pada pengakuan aku di hati mu yang tersayang
Hentikan lah saja
Jenaka bermadah biasa terlalu sering ku dengar
Ceritera cinta tiada berubah hanya mimpi
Akhirnya nanti kecewa

JACLYN VICTOR & RIO FEBRIAN - CERITERA CINTA

To All Lovely Ladies Out There

2008-01-28T00:50:00.001+08:00

it's been sometimes i didn't follow local music development.
but for sometimes last year i've been following some of the local band which i never know it was local band!

and ESTRANGED to be exact make me change my perception over local either single artists or bands.

they are good, and the ITU KAMU song was so cool the video...very sophisticated.

so tonite, they won the AJL 2007 and i was jumping and screaming happily...i know! i know! but can't help it!

watching their live performance during the Xmas week at the Curve was something...the feeling..
yeah, i'm proud for being a women..

so, for some entertainment, enjoy the clip and the beautiful song that won the AJL 2008!

mmuuaaahhh!

Segala yang ku pasti akan ku capai tuk mengambil hati mu
Melepasi angkasa cinta ku
Sesudah aku melafazkan kesemua yang diperlu
Ianya seperti suluhan yang terang

Segala yang kau ragui akan ku padam habis dari hati mu
Mengingkari dalaman akal mu
Takkan puas ku, mengiringi semua tawa dan tangisan mu,
Anggun wajahmu, pelita yg terang

Hatiku mahu mu
Rupa mu
Masih masih masih masih...

Kau terindah
Masih ada
Yang tercantik
Itu Kamu

Tiada mengapa tau sampai bila kerna cinta enggan kenal mengalah
Memanah masuk hatiku yang reti
Setelah kau nampak tetap ku masih menunjukkan erti hidupku
Yang mahu bersama kau buat selamanya...

and i just love it to fill the air

2008-01-23T18:14:00.001+08:00

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Haha ga kureta takusan no yasashisa
Ai wo idaite ayumeto kurikaeshita
Ano toki wa mada osanakute imi nado shiranai
Sonna watashi no te wo nigiri
Isshoni ayundekita

Yume wa itsumo sora takaku aru kara
Todokanakute kowai ne dakedo oitsuzukeru no
Jibun no story dakara koso akirametakunai
Fuan ni naruto te wo nigiri
Isshoni ayundekita

Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai
Mirai e mukatte
Yukkuri to aruite yukou

Mirai E - Kiroro

*and i know when it's my theraphy

How LEO Are You?

2008-01-18T21:19:00.000+08:00

You are 100% Leo

How Leo Are You?

According to the test, I am 100% LEO.

So any LEO who come across this, try it yourself...

you'll be amazed with the question while laughing out loud and telling ur crazy self that "that is so me!"

I met a LEO guy recently. Honestly, I never met any that I can be friend with and as a matter of fact, I never have any guy friend who are LEO.

So, the minutes I know that this friend is Leo, I knew it that I have to get to know him.

I want to know how a Leo guy run their life, and carry their way of thinking...

And in fact, among the first question I asked him was "are you as complicated as myself?"

Am I?

If Only I Could

2008-01-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

If you are tired, I'm tired too.

When you should know which way to go, I too have to actually find the way for you. And I'm tired of that!

Being there, sitting there alone, and expecting some miracle?

Do you think it can happen?

I don't think so, but of course I know you are actually expecting some miracle from me...

I have more than 1001 miracle in my head that I'm desparately need those to be happened, if only it could happen. Which I believe it will happen.

Sometimes, I try to ignore, I try not to bother.

But the harder I try, I just can't do that...it is part of me..honestly? sometimes I give up.

I too sometimes feel like to run away, but I won't do that. That's not me..towards you...

My heart? it is sick...and sometimes I silently hate you. Do I have any options? Oh yes! But not the decent one, so I opt not to have an options now...sigh..

Can I just ignore? Can I just take you for granted? Can I just leave the crazy world and deserted myself in a very peaceful place where no one could find me? so I can do whatever I want to do?

If only I could...

It's All About Them

2008-01-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

so i'm running my life a bit up and down lately.

errands & meetings during weekdays, shooting jobs weekends and some shooting marathon whenever we are free.

i'm getting ready for some few jobs coming over during the CNY weeks. 2 engagements and 3 weddings. since SIREH has only 2 partners, we have to call our residence photographer to give his hands.

on the other side of life, i just can't help it when i miss a soul terribly. tsk..tsk..tsk..

Mr Theraphy has been busy for the past few weeks, so no news. (which i know that is the nature)

and now he's in Scotland for some family business and should be back by the end of the month.

Leaving again to Venezuela after CNY which I'm not sure if there's any room for some meeting...sigh!

Another soul, Ms Frutinia, is back to town after sometimes in Jitra for her other business.

We are with a crash plan on something which will make us suppose to be rich! yea, rite!

But, still waitinggggg..................

And she has to go back to Jitra again for the FIL wedding! what??? wedding? oh yeah..and he's in his 70's...

The MC...oklah...but nothing much bout him..but kinda fun too!

Small Girl..? of yes, she's happy now, working at somewhere very close to home.

Others, BA, KT keep on bothering me, but i just hardly say no to these friends. It's not that I don't want to but I just don't feel I'm gonna like it. It's just not my cuppa tea. Sorry friends, sorry for keep on turning down the offer.

The Photographer..yeay..I like! Busy like hell...yeah but the words always reach me via the thin air...and I know where to find it, and it make the passion to shoot grow more and more. And it never fails to make me smile...i know..i know..but just can't help it.

But I love them all!

How Selfish Are You?

2008-01-17T01:35:00.000+08:00

You Are 42% Selfish

You are quite balanced. You are able to compromise when it's in the best interests of those involved.
But you're no pushover. If something is important to you, you'll get it!

How Selfish Are You?

this is from Azra's.

i think i am more selfish now, when i like my new attitude with 'whatever' kinda thing which i know hit some parties hard...

It's A Miracle

2008-01-16T08:38:00.000+08:00

I pay a visit to some old friends yesterday for some lunch and stuff. I didn't see some of them since I left SLB last June. Owh...I miss them a lot!

But all in all, something really hit me the minutes I see one of them.

Knowing her (of course not all about her I know) it was a total suprise... and I mean TOTAL!

Somehow, a weird feeling run thru my vein, i feel repent.

I'm not pias to tell that what kind of life she has, but somehow it shows. I'm not a decent person either and only God knows what I did...

So for this friend (i know sooner or later she's going to read this):

Clubs, yes

Smoking, of course

Drink, yes...

Others, you know what...only God knows

and fasting, I noticed she don't really fast last year...(I notice the difference this year babe, you woke up for sahur...I knew it from you know where...)

The minutes I saw her, I thought it was a fashion kinda thing, something like fashion of the week, or month or some event occur that day. I just can't believe it for real.

It took me minutes to compose my words, to think carefully how should I start to ask and for sure I wanted to know the story behind all of this badly...it was a complete mix feelings.

I think it was a miracle that I witnessed yesterday, she is with a very proper tudung covered her long blond curly sexy hair...( i like her hair very much)

and the outfit...it's cool, something usual but she really look different with the tudung. It blends well and suits her.

So I started to ask her question, a proper question on how did this happen to her. What make her change and so on.

At the end of the story (which I'd rather not to put on detail here) it shows right in front of me how did God choose whoever He wants to show them the right path of life.

1:1 In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:
1:2 Praise be to God, the Lord of the Worlds.
1:3 The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
1:4 King of the Day of Judgment.
1:5 You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help
1:6 Guide us to the straight way;
1:7 The way of those whom you have blessed, not of those who have deserved anger, nor of those who stray.

Amin...

it's Xmas!

2007-12-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

it was blue last year, and it's white this year.

X'mas @ the Curve, we had fun & joy

thank you for the lovely company I have : B. Ajak. Pjat & Nadia

view more photos here

the lost spirit

2007-12-21T08:07:00.000+08:00

it was a day before Idul Adha.
i prepared nothing, i plan nothing...

honestly,
i have no spirit to celebrate...

where's the spirit goes when we used to be happy together all day long?
where's the spirit goes when we used to wait for brothers & dad to come back from the surau after getting all the cows turned to a dead meat...sacrifices

all in all...i droped by to visit MIL, and updates & talks & laughs for hours...

Selamat Hari Raya IdulAdha...

i miss them all...

and 'im home alone again today...

is it a game?

2007-12-18T13:26:00.000+08:00

there is a sign that i can see
is it falling?
but i'm trying to be a knight to save it from falling apart.
i'm trying very hard to make it work..the way we want it used to be

there's a sounds, but not in the same language that we can understand anymore
there's some move, but there' s no urge on every move...

but for sure, i feel like running away...to make it easy
but i know how i'm going to feel...

i need you be with me...to fight for it.

Bad Day

2007-12-18T11:27:00.001+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oooh.. a holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

and i'm loosing her

2007-12-16T12:10:00.000+08:00

it was FRIDAY
when i'm suppose to meet a friend...i was in the klcc park for my morning run when i accidently drop her off on the jogging track.

when i tried to send messages, it was completely off. keep on trying i was, and the funny messages came out on the RED screen. that's weird!

it was a bad day, no handphone means no call in, no call out, no sms, no mms, NO LIFE. NOTHING! and to make it worst, i'm on standby to receive some further instruction for the job on Saturday.

it was soooooo stressful. and i can't wait for Motorola Service Centre to get it check in 4 days! I would be dead by then. so Small Girl give a very simple and meningful advise "get yourself a damn new phone!" thank you Girl, that was very helpful. and according to them it'll cost me around RM600 to get the software fixed! huh! and i can't think straight cos i can feel that i'm loosing her...

but i have no choice so i bought myself a new chick but still from Motorola. i hope it can serve be better or @ least the same...but mine is not in this color...

and i still want her!

if you don't care

2007-12-16T12:06:00.000+08:00

if you don't care
why should I bother

a total silence

a total ignorance

was it me or was it you?
or at least let me know

talk to me please...i'm confused

a bad day

2007-12-16T11:40:00.000+08:00

small girl sing to my ears a song for loosing my baby A1200...

love them, hate them

2007-12-13T09:27:00.000+08:00

...love them, hate them..
why?

aren't we suppose to be happy together?
aren't we suppose to feel safe together?

...they are around, yet still feel the loneliness
...just wonder why?

everyone seems like really wanna be on the other side of themselves.
the normal things are all fake, when they really can't wait to turn to be into their real personality.

beautiful, they are. attractive too.
but there's some empty space they made it open, to whoever...

we allow ourselves to fall into the situation.
it is fun, it is lovely, it is something & it is different.

are we happy at the end of the day?

It's Been a While

2007-12-13T08:58:00.000+08:00

It's been a while after my last postings.

Nothing much to inspire me to write.

But I remember I received something interesting from someone who love to analyse.

& LEO is me...what's yours?

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humour. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with ... u might end up crying...

ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around.Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.

TAURUS - The TrampAggressive.
Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give.Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying.

after sometimes

2007-11-19T10:03:00.000+08:00

after sometimes...
we set up things, we fixed things, we are running things.

with the new born baby and the shelter, can't wait no more.
i've got to run now, shud it be like a hurricane.

It is becoming more interesting when we try to breath with the air that we share with lots of people. Some people wish that the air should only be for them, but too bad...we are the living thing. Today, i really feel like belong to somewhere, and it is mine! No more turning back.

Dear God, please give me strength.

Dear babe, it's all because of you!

AFTER RAMADHAN

2007-10-23T01:50:00.000+08:00

The Eidul Fitri celebration has always be the best moment after the Ramadhan. As a matter of fact, silently I always missing Ramadhan right after it ends.
But, we have given the day that we can celebrate the victory...

So, my Hari Raya celebration....

It's our turn to balik Mersing this raya. We headed to Mersing on Thursday night around 12 midnite. I just like to travel midnite or early in the morning, as we all can expect the traffic will be like 'oh very crazy!' during the festive season.
Off we go, and we reached Mersing 4 1/2 hours later, just nice for the time to have our last sahur for the year..and doze off immediately after Subuh prayer.

As usual, the day before raya always the busiest day when we have to get everything to be ready by midnite.
Last minutes shopping, last minutes arrangement and last minutes of everything!

Since ayah just got the house renovated and considering my parents condition lately, the-light-and-easy kinda attitude, nothings ready! Gosh!
Really, they were waiting for us to do all. So, myself, B and lil' bro push ourselves to the limit until everything's ready by midnite, too bad since lil' sis only reach home 3 in the morning from KL!

First day Raya
As usual, in the morning we go for pray. After come back, people start to come, non stop...until the end of the day. So me and lil' sis becoming orang dapur all the time.
Besides, we also have the agenda of eating spree!
The menu, my mom cooked the best ever sup ayam kampung slaughtered by my dad last night. Yes, a bit too different from the typical raya menu, but we like it!
Later on that day only we had the other typical menu, but still not from our kitchen though.

this ketupat is from acik house next door

the boys enjoying the time beraya..kutip duit raya

Second day Raya
We only manage to go out to visit our grandmother and rush back home to get ready for more people to come.
As usual, the relatives always come in group, read BIG GROUP! and again, we have to be at the kitchen all the time.
We also have to get ready for the BBQ dinner at night and again the last minutes shopping for the last minutes additional menu here and there.
Always, mom and lil' sis : tu tak cukup ni tak cukup, nanti orang datang ramai, lemon tak beli lagi, salad dressing...bla..bla..bla..and as usual, when the time come, everything's ready. Yey!

The BBQ dinner went on until midnite, we had a very good time with the relatives and friends came to wallop the food until the last piece of the grilled chicken and beef with all the side menus. Done for today!

Third day Raya
The plan to go out beraya early in the morning has been distracted, the rain was pouring heavily until 2 p.m. and we only manage to go out to visit an uncle around 5 p.m. and continue again for another visit at nite.

Fourth day Raya
We were getting ready to go back to KL since early in the morning cos I hate to travel during midday. And as usual, there are a lots of things and messages and advices from the oldies. We only manage to leave Mersing around 12 noon and reach KL around 4.30 p.m.

End of our balik kampung raya...

All in all, it was great eventhough we missed someone a lot...and we are in a very deep pain...it hurts...really.

LOOK AROUND YOU

2007-10-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

when we were small, we have a childhood friend
when we were in school, we have best friend
when we were in college or uni, we have a group of friend that suits with our style..so called..

we used to be very close, we shared almost everything with our friend
we shared the up and down of the day, we shared the shelter, the food...
and most importantly we shared the hapiness and sadness together...
we shared the tips to score in our papers
we were surrounded by the best group of friends when we grew up, whom in a way contributed to what we are today...

soonest we are about to start to see the 'real' world, we promised each other that we'll meet up whenever we have free time, we'll keep in touch and we'll go out together again like how we used to do...

BUT, look around you...do we still in touch with them? do we still meeting them like we promised to be? do we still share all the good and bad of the day...

I used to have a muhibbah childhood friend, Sally a Chinese girl and Latha the Indian girl...we are now hardly see each other even we are still in the same neighbourhood....and I missed our childhood memory...

Look around you...