Just a Feeling

At times when you are happy, you are not sure if you are really happy.
The mix of feelings hit me recently.

I don't intend to write in details here.
Yes, I've been looking forward for something very special when the last time I got it was sometimes ago. It's been very long. Sigh!
But after getting it again on Friday, it wasn't the same feeling. It was as good as before even better. I'm not sure.
Was it me who want more than what being offered?
Was it you who try to comfort yourself, to hide the truth that give you the pain?

It is just a feeling lingering around me for the past few days, make me feel suffocated internally...fighting with my own spirits, my own thoughts..like usual.
I know there's only one at this time, and when I always get what I want, I feel breathless when it didn't turn out to be the way I want it to be. Like usual, again.

When I look at the happy faces, but the truth being told make me feel unsure on what to feel.
I pity the juniors, when they know nothing what is happening in between them.
Looking at the smiles but knowing it is all fake, and the truth is the pain.

NO I don't intend to do anything
NO I don't intend to be the supports when I myself is struggling with the truth that is also equals to pain
NO I don't want to be part of the pain but part of the truth? It's just there. Unintended

When I read what I'm reading now, it hit me right under my nose.
At once when we tried to deny but the things keep on coming to you, only the strength will save you.

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMM! I feel like to throw everything inside me now, to the farest my voice can go. And please let the wind bring it to wherever they want it and let the truth prevail.
Should I blame myself for having this kind of emotions inside me?
No, I don't think so.
Should people being blame for not being like the way I want it to be?
A big NO of course!
I'm not that crazy at least.

Oh God, perhaps I don't thank you much for whatever you give me all this while
Oh God, perhaps I left the things that I've been carrying in me all this while
Oh God, perhaps the presure make me be out of the line a bit? Or so far away?
Oh Dear God, please show me the right path...
Oh God, please help me...

Thank you...

So it was unplanned.
Just all of sudden we got it all right, the timing most importantly.
I have to admit that at one time I almost give up for nothing!
But some words and lullaby come and go make me went through the uneasiness...

And there it goes another shot, unexpectedly!
Just like I said, it is like a glass of water...

So relief, so lovely...that's all I need.

Thank you.

This if For You!

I started to understand you after sometimes I crack my head try to make myself understand.
I know there's only moi now, and I'm so glad!

When the memoirs hit the nerve, it'll rebounce. I always get it whenever I really need it.

Yeah, I love it when having everything from you just like having a glass of water...
So refreshing, and we'll have it when we really need it...

Runaway Maid

My partner texted me last Wednesday (despite so many text everyday on business) with not so good news..again! "Shit happened to me, my maid sudah lari!"

Yeah, I got shocked! I know the maid, the kids like her, partner & wifey are ok with her. Never heard any big issue...except some updates from the wife on the few minor things. Which is normal.

Leaving the family and the kids just like that...gave them a big hit!
Since me and partner doing our photography things most of the time together, I now have to be a driver to fetch him whenever we have appointment or assignment. (Oh! this is the first part of the not so good news from him, partner got into a domino accident last Friday night when we were suppose to meet client that night)

So the runaway maid made the situation worst, when both partner & wife are working and with our photography things he too has now to help with the house work. A very unpleasant update huh?

For me and B since it's just the two of us, and Small Girl around, we don't have maid. We do our housework on our own, the dishes, the laundry and all other routine things at home. All this while, partner are always free from housework when he has to wait for me to complete a few things that I have to do at home before we off to anywhere.

But, me & B was laughing out loud everytime we fetch partner now and he will ASAP update us on the housework things that he has to do now. Things that make his move delayed and make us late for our meetings!

Partner will start "kene buat keje rumah la skrg, basuh baju, sidai kain, basuh pinggan...eeeiii tension betul la maid takde ni! Dulu boleh mandi siap pakai baju terus keluar je, skrg ni semua kene buat dulu. nak tunggu maid baru lambat lagi...anak2 i tak nak tido dlm bilik dia org, nak tido dlm bilik i, so tempat tido kene siapkan, dulu maid yg siapkan sblm kita tido, skrg i kene buat, esok pagi bangun tido kene kemas balik...sabar je la aku!"

Me and hubby keep on laughing and telling him that he can do it!

Come on Jak, you can do it! Yeah!

There He Goes

Girl came to me few weeks ago asking about a blind date.
An x-colleague introduce the brother, an X guy to Girl and within a few hours X called her.
They’ve talked for hours every night. She liked him from the voice, from the communication skill and she like him for his brain…

She told me that actually, her boyfriend for 6 years is getting married very soon. They were very close to get engage when suddenly the mother of the bf want him marry and Indonesian girl. They still seeing each other still go out for movie together and still holding hands and all in all they are still there for each other for any situation, good or bad.
He’s been her life for 6 years, he always there whenever she need him…he really take care of her…and all of the sudden he really have to go with their love in each other.

Of the X guy, after a week waiting they went out for the first time last weekend. But not to put him down, he’s not the type. He’s at his age, at his managerial level in one the plantation company, didn’t manage to win the heart of sweet lil' Girl.

She went back to the x-bf for talks, to tell him about all the unpleasant thing she have to face for letting him go to marry the Ric**.

Girl told me earlier before meeting the X guy that she’s ok to let the x-bf go, for 5 months she now can accept that she has to let him go for someone else.

But this morning, she message me and told me that her eyes are swollen, she cried last nite when her x-bf called and cried for their faith, for their faith of not being able to stay together. They are very sweet sad couple…
So this morning, off he go to Indonesia to get married, leaving Girl in here cry her heart out, unable to stop crying,…leave her in a very deep sorrow.

I pity both of them, when the parents have their own preference and leave the lovers in the dark…

It is By Choice

A friend called me to ask on where to get something for her wedding jobs coming.
(She’s also in this wedding industry…)
So after getting the juices of the reason she called, we then update each other with our stuffs, my photography thingy and hers are on wedding planning.
And we are eagerly telling each other on how’s our health condition running down and most importantly how’s our skin became since we started this thing into a full time job!
Driving around town during the sunny day, sleepless night to fulfill the clients’ requirements, and the energy level that slowly going down…

Funny, we used to work in cozy office, good working environment, we don’t go out during either sunny or rainy days but we have to do that now since it’s our choice!

And also tell each other what make us suffer in running our own business and bottom line telling each other in any situation, in any condition, it is the best thing to have since it’s is all done by choice.
So, I told her “best ke tak best ke, kene best jugak!”

Good luck to both of us!

Becoming Minority

At some part of the world and when you becoming a minority, you can have a better environment, a better fighting spirit and better human…I suppose.
When I read I Am Muslim by Dina Zaman, again, for countless time I came across the fact that Muslim in some place in the world has better community as compare to our community here in Malaysia.

It’s not that I’m pias to talk about how we should run our lovely Muslim country, it is just that I’m dreaming to have an environment that I really want to be and hoping that it can lead for a better life as a Muslim…

Becoming a majority somewhere in the world…? Perhaps…what say you…?

the best talk of the day! part 2

Later after he called in the afternoon, another call from him around 7ish...to ensure that I do what I'm suppose to do.
So this time round full of the motivational talks and why I should join them...
It was fun to listen to him after so long we didn't talk or crack our head together.

So one part catch me on how did he manage to secure my personal phone number (since I was using co's phone before).

C : so do you know how did I manage to get your number from KM?

me : yeah? what did you tell her? don't tell me that you told her about this job...!

C : no..no...so I called her, and I told her that "I have this TS that I want to watch the performance, but I don't know how to get the tickets...and S** used to get the PGL's tickets and she know how to where to get it from..."

me : owh...hahahahaha!!!!!! that's funny! you told her that?! hahahahahaha!!!

C : yeah! and I asked her please KM I need to get to contact her...and she said. "owh...ok..ok..no problem" then she gave me your number la...

me : seriously?! I can't believe that you used that reason! hahahahah!

C: hahahahah! yeah, it was the best talk of the day la I tell you!

*Clau** is attached with AP who used to work with me closely on relocations & shipping thingy...and we share one thing in common, we love to watch local theatre...