to be or not to be........

“I deeply know u can be a great mommy...coz u r smart, funny, interesting, loving and u can make your children proud if u, really. You don't have to change to be like other mom…like stick to the routine, or be ordinary. I believe you can do wonders just being YOU!!!!”

“Yes...there are a few things that u need to sacrifice but it doesn't mean you have to stop doing what you love…think of it as ...postpone it...and plan the right time to jump right back into it”

“I'm definitely sure...you'll be crying when you see how your hubby really show his love and care towards your children...so damn priceless”

“He can say anything not to hurt your feelings”

“Yes, yes, yes....both of you are ready! At least 1...your very own”

“It is not that I'm not on your side...But I just don't want you to miss this tiny special part of life that you have not discovered it”

*message from Sabel hit my inbox…after I told her how stressful I’m on to be or not to be…..with the pressure from surroundings…and maybe ME!

..............

I’ll tell you when I hear you…I’ll wait patiently…like I always do
I’ll cry my heart out to you my beautiful mind…

WHY ME?

Being thrown the question so many times, and I’ve answered so many times as well.
Everything said is agreed, everything mentioned is appreciated and valued…of course.
I completely aware the situation, no matter what is happening, no matter how greener the grass seems to be at the other side, the one that I’m standing on is still accommodating me unconditionally. I know, of course…
When the things come, I never have any expectations same goes to you I believe.
My reply was just a little tiny reason to answer your BIG question and it is not the reason from the very beginning. It is just coming along the way…while enjoying the riding in good sunny days.
It will not happen if you don’t allow it too and vice versa.
I have somewhere inside me shouting to me “hello! Do not forget who you are!” at all times and of course I value your concern and the concern should be raised from the very beginning before everything started.
When I’m more than ready to declare and disclose the real, I’m ready not to have any good reply nor action and nothing at all…even I’m more than ready for everything to be shut down…
But the good things keep on coming, keep on pouring…unstoppable…and indeed making me happy…was it my fault? I didn’t ask for it…no I did not if you want me to enlighten you.
Or am I too blind not try to understand your message? Is there any hidden message that you are trying to tell me? Am I the guilty party that allow me to go this far?
Which I strongly believe that you are not going to do that, you are not that type of person I believe you are.

In life, at this moment, I hardly have someone that I can talk to. People always come to me to talk to me…and they always have me…but I hardly have one…I don’t remember having anyone. Sadly, but I have to bear with it. It is happening to me…maybe because the different way of me doing my thinking.

From A Friend...

What is Love…the reality is. …..
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught
Within your chest?
It isn’t Love, it’s Like
You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn’t Love, it’s Lust
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn’t Love, it’s Luck.
Do you want them because you know they’re there?
It isn’t Love, it’s Loneliness
Are you there because it’s what everyone wants?
It isn’t Love, it’s Loyalty.
Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don’t want to hurt them?
It isn’t Love, it’s Pity
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn’t Love, it’s being Unconfident.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn’t Love, it’s Infatuation
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn’t Love, it’s Friendship
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn’t Love, it’s a Lie
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn’t Love, it’s Charity
Does your heart ache and break when they’re sad?
Then it’s Love
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it’s Love
Do you accept their faults because they’re a part of who they are?
Then it’s Love
Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re strong?
Then it’s Love
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it’s Love
But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it’s Love
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it’s Love
Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why? Because it’s…Love

Everything is Everywhere!

This morning a courtesy call was made to a friend as early as before 8.30am...and later when I got it replied he said "awalnya call?"
Indeed..."i was awake since 5am, and working until now since 6.30am at the same time just feel like talking to you" was my reply... read: i just need some energy from you lah!

At this time, I'm due to meet 2 clients to discuss on their wedding albums.
But waiting for partner that proomised me the material!!! I'm holding my breath now!

At this time my working/study room is suffocated with me, with my books that lying everywhere in the room, on the floor, on the cabinet, on the stool! They are all lying there untouched since few weeks ago!
Me being so ambitous, went buy to any possible books that I thot I have time to read...!

Working since right after sahur has been a must since we started fasting last week...
The DVDs, the CDs all need my attention...and the photos all need to be archived!
Uploading also has a lot more need to be done...

the suffocated working room!

books

more book

more books on the floor!

our hearts also on the floor...lying unattended the camera bags & stuffs!

*just need to let it out from me...!*

Who Am I?

B was waiting anxiously for the result and was jumping when I told him the result...Christina was his FIRST choice for me...am i?

My Tears Dropped!

My Dear

My deepest sorry for your lost today...
The tears almost drop the minutes I heard it from you
For almost 2 weeks, he was in a battle, you and the dear family going through the hard time...
I'm sure he left the world with the peace of mind & heart...
Enough time for the whole family to be with him and say goodbye...
That is the best for the situation...God love him and He knows...
Like what you said earlier, it is the things happening for the old days...
You should be proud of him...
From his heart & mind, made you with a beautiful heart & mind...that I appreciate most...
You should be proud of yourself...
When you were the one who jumped from wherever you are to take him for treatment and to ensure the medicine are all enough for the consumption...
When you were around to spend the cold nights with him...to watch him resting...
When you were around him before his last breath...
Such a darling angel you are...
You have all my pray & my thoughts...
And my tears finally dropped during my pray...be strong...

*a tribute to uncle...*

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody

Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady

Put your hand way up high

We will never say bye (no, no, no)

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins

This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers

Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them timesI didn't get it but you kept me in line

I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes

It's something more than saying "I miss you"

But when we talked too

All them grown folk things

Separation brings

You never let me know it

You never let it show because

You loved me and obviously

There's so much more left to say

If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this

And everyday life goes on like

"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"

"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"

As time goes by

And soon as you reach a better place

Still I'll give the whole world to see your face

And I'm right here next to youIt feels like you gone too soon

The hardest thing to do is say

bye bye bye bye bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done

And you never got to see me back at number one

I wish that you were here to celebrate together

I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night

With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight

I thought you were so strong

That you can make it through whatever

It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody

Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady

Put your hand way up high

We will never say bye (no, no, no) Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins

This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather

Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

*ByeBye by Mariah Carey

When I Count It As No Ordinary

The honesty... the truthful... the reality...
All being told...willingly since I don't like to hold things back...
What more it is a good things
What more it is something that I appreciate and respect most
When everyday there's always a thought lingered for a kick start
Whenever I need to go to the battle there's always an energy for me to hold on....

The happenings open my eyes to be on the ground
The happenings taught me to be on a reality
The beautiful mind...taught me about life that I'm almost drown into

Like I was being told...it is happening cause I allow it to happen....
When it comes to emotions...when it comes to the loyalty...
I count it as no ordinary....

*and it spell L.O.V.E

Salam Ramadhan

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan to All Muslim

May we remember Allah more each and everyday....

*and I need another strength

Are You Walking Away?

I came across something unlikely these few days...

and these words hitting me..

Its amazing when strangers become friends,

but its sad when friends become strangers

TO YOU:

Hard times come to all of us...

Being there for someone is unstopable

When I feel you are in need

When I feel that you just need someone to talk to

I just try my best to be there

Please don't turn to the square one...

You don't have to do that...